10 Reasons Tom Brady is > Eli Manning

This post really stems more from my dislike of Eli than my love for Brady. Generally I’m pretty long winded, but I’ll do this in simple count down fashion, with a few pictures to stress my points.

10. The hair. Brady has had some hits and some misses (a la bieber), but the point here is he’s not afraid to take chances and be a trend setter. Eli has had the same crop since college and looks like every college frat guy you’ve ever seen in the south and wanted to punch in the face.

9. A proportioned face. Eli’s nose and mouth are so enormous. Come on. I can’t be the only one that’s noticed this.

8. Brady has a hat with his own logo that he wears in a sense of shameless self promotion. Who else has their own logo? Jordan, Federer, Tiger, Micky Mouse. All the greats in their game. Your logo says “i’m better than you. you can tell by looking at my hat.”

7. Their women. Brady has virtually ended the career’s of Bridget Moynahan and Gisele. He impregnated 2 women who make a career based on their looks and their body. It would be like Gisele breaking Tom’s right arm with a sledge hammer during sex. Eli must have been looking for a woman who’s forehead could rival his brothers so he could one-up him at least one time in life. I just put pictures of Brady’s women so you can look at more than just me and Dusty.

6.  SuperBowl wins. Brady: 3. Eli: 1.

5. Draft expectation to Career success ratio. Brady was selected 199th in the 6th round and has won said 3 Bowls. Eli was drafted 1st overall…and has 1. I almost failed 3rd grade math due to fractions and decimals…so you do the math.

4. Eli is a spoiled middle child brat. When drafted first overall, Eli (and daddy Archie) stated publicly that he wouldn’t play for the Chargers. This is the definition of a whiny baby and a prima donna. Nothing to say about Brady except that he accepted his humble draft pick and proved himself on the field.

3. Birth place: Brady – San Mateo, CA (near San Fran). Eli – New Orleans, LA. Ok this was kinda close actually. But then I remembered a trip I took to New Orleans. I had a great time, don’t get me wrong. But I just couldn’t get over the fact that the streets smelled like a port-o-john, and I never carried more than $30 (in all ones) because I didn’t feel safe. Advantage: Brady.

2. This face is enough to make Eli’s mother turn her head in shame.

1. His name is Tom. My name is Tom. It’s a great name, donned by great men. The only other Eli, I know is Eli Whitney.

**bonus points to anyone who comments and tells me what Eli Whitney is famous for inventing. If you use Google, I’ll know and you get no bonus points.

Grateful to share the namesake of so many greats,

Tommy (but you can call me Tom ;))

7 responses to “10 Reasons Tom Brady is > Eli Manning

  1. cotton gin?

  2. Dustin Riedesel

    I have a cousing in Oklahoma named Eli…short for Elijah, like in The Bible. THE BIBLE!……Also, what’s the social stigma around the cotton gin these days? I get nervous that I might be a little racist when I bring it up.

  3. i guess The Book of Eli starring Denzel adds a half point in Manning’s direction.

  4. quick note: it was pointed out by a read (quint) that i misspoke on a fact. Eli is actually the youngest brother. which means his propensity to whine about something is that much more annoying. everyone knows the baby brother gets whatever they want.

  5. Pingback: Super Bowl Week: Lana Del Rey Should Hook Up with Rob Gronkowski and Other Things to Talk About During the Game | Writing Bareback

  6. Pingback: Super Bowl Week: 5 Reasons to Root for Eli over Brady | Writing Bareback

  7. bahahaha 2-0 Eli

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