The Male Playbook – “The Rip Van Winkle”

TheMalePlaybook.com was a blog I authored when I was 23 years old.  I was pleased with it in terms of followers and reaction, but when I started a new job, I discontinued it. Now, the 40+ plays in The Male Playbook will be making appearances in Writing Bareback over the next year. Enjoy.

The Rip Van WInkleMen as a group are pretty much split 50/50 on whether they love their girlfriend or hate their girlfriend. But one thing that all men have in common is that they need personal time away from their girlfriend. The Rip Van Winkle is a solution, but it is only to be played with girlfriends that don’t live with you.

This will require a higher level of commitment than nearly any other play in the book, and you need to have it in your head well before it is needed. Even before a girl is your girlfriend, this should already be in play. Here’s how it works:

The Rip Van Winkle is nothing but a lie with teeth. You simply insist that you always go to bed early (9 or 10PM) no matter what night of the week it is, and with nothing to wake up for, you will sleep until noon. You love sleep more than the average man, and given the choice, you would only wake up for sex and food. You will also try to wake up for sports, but then probably fall asleep on the couch.

Stick to this play, and your girl knows not to disturb you after 10PM, and that if she calls early in the morning on a weekend, you’re not going to answer. These now become your free hours. You can go out with the guys without receiving constant check-up calls and texts. You can watch TV or a movie instead of talking her to sleep. In short, you get to punch the clock a little earlier.

The magic is that since you’re actually staying up late, she’ll be more inclined to believe that you just love sleep because that’s all you’ll ever be doing around her. Snoozing in the car, on the couch and maybe even on the toilet will become regular events that sell your affliction.

The major hang-up of the Rip Van Winkle is you sometimes need to fake sleep if she stays over or is just hanging out late, but as with anything, you can make this a strength by “forcing” yourself to stay up late because you love spending time with her. You win twice.

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