The Male Playbook – “The Gangbuster”

TheMalePlaybook.com was a tongue-in-cheek blog I authored when I was 23 years old.  I was pleased with it in terms of followers and reaction, but when I started a new job, I discontinued it. Now, the 40+ plays in The Male Playbook will be making appearances in Writing Bareback over the next year. Enjoy.

We’ve all been there. Outnumbered and shamefully intimidated by the “fairer” sex–not named for their methods of social interaction. “The Gangbuster” is a knife in the back of females’ group dynamics. The recipe for success is equal parts moxy and shamelessness. We’ll use a group of five girls in this example. Here’s the breakdown:

Step 1: Assessment. Use a relative ranking system to sort the girls from 1 to 5 with 1 being the girl that’s most likely to be the group ringleader (usually the hottest and bitchiest in the group) and 5 being the girl that’s most likely to inherit the earth.

Step 2: Action. Go talk to a girl that is a ranking below the least attractive girl you would want to be seen on a public date with (whenever in doubt, always pick girl 4). Don’t waste any time with the hottest girls. They’re used to getting hit on, and they stomp on male egos because they need to prove to their female acolytes that they’re SO fabulous. Actually, this need is the best thing you have going for you. It’s the beginning of jealousy. Talk to the lower level girl. You have to make her believe that you’re sincerely interested. You have to put the “act” in action. Win an Oscar.

Step 3: Hang out. The reason female friendships don’t last is because of their attention-based class system. If a girl is cute but always hangs with hotties, she and the hotties will assume there’s something wrong with her within two months because she’s not getting enough attention. Anyway, this lower level girl will welcome your attention. For once, she’s getting the free drinks and over-bearing eye contact. The longer you can hang out, two things will happen. 1) You’ll become “safer” and more accepted by the entire group. 2) The hotter girls, not used to being ignored, will become more desperate for your valuable attention.

Step 4: The Switch. The group now accepts you. You made your “in” by preying on one girl’s waning self-esteem. During the “hang out” phase, you should have slowly been opening your focus to the entire group. Now it’s time to narrow that focus to a hotter girl in the group that is feeling attention withdrawals. Converse for a while, attempt to get some distance from the group and go for your own personal close (“I’m going to call you sometime.”; “Want to get out of here?”).

Don’t ask if this really works. If you don’t succeed, then you’re not doing it right.

You’re Welcome,
Dustin “I’ll go out in riot gear” Riedesel

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2 responses to “The Male Playbook – “The Gangbuster”

  1. someone’s gotta show some love for girl #5 here. i mean c’mon. someone…anyone?

  2. Only the truest and the wingiest of wingmen would take that 1/2 ton bullet.

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