It’s been 90 degrees all week here in NC, and my community pool opens Saturday which means we, as men and women will be stripping down to the least amount of coverage legally allowed in public. It’s at this point, that most women go over the top with being fasionable (any ladies reading; my bet is you own 6 bathing suits +/- 2) and most men fall so short of stylish it’s embarrassing to all of us as men. Our dad and even our grandpa rocked stylish trunks, but for some reason our generation decided to break the mold and wear the most obnoxious designed trunks known to man. Sometimes your trunks still fit, but you’ve outgrown them. It’ll make more sense in a bit.
Before I go on, please answer these 2 questions:
1. When was the last time you purchased a new suit? If the answer is >3 years skip question 2 and start reading.
2. If you bought your suit within the last 3 years, does the suit go below your knees? If yes, keep reading.
The suit you wear, when you can’t hide anything else is going to say a lot about you to every lady you pass on the walk to your chair. How old is he? Does he dress well? Does he manscape? How quickly can I get those trunks off? Ok, maybe the fourth was stretch. Regardless, your attention to detail when it comes to your trunks is gonna say a lot about you as you strut your stuff around the pool.
So to help you out I’ve put together a checklist of Do’s and Don’ts about getting a new suit for this summer. I’ve also even done you a favor of giving you some links to where you can buy some new swim wear (I’ve considered all budgets when doing this).
- No beer logos. You know how trashy that chick with the Corona bathing suit on looks? You look the same, only much much more of a douche. We all like beer, doesn’t mean you need to decorate yourself in it.
- Length – It should not be below your knees. This stopped being cool once you got your first job after college. You aren’t out skim boarding anymore because you’re not 15. You’re a man now, so check the length. See below..don’t be this guy.
- If you look like a walking Peacock a girl is gonna think one of 2 things – “this guy is 13” or “guess he forgot how to dress after his mom stopped dressing him”. I owned the trunk
- s to the right when I was 18. They still fit. But I’ve outgrown them. See what I mean?
- NO NETTING. Mostly for comfort purposes, but when you hoist yourself out of the pool do you really wanna look like you’re wearing some type of lacy, netty underwear. And PLEASE do not wear briefs under your suit, it’s like a diaper.
- Gym shorts belong in the gym. Not the pool. You’re a grown-ass man with a job. Go buy a pair of trunks designed for the pool. Same goes for wearing trunks to the gym, but that’s another discussion.
- First and foremost – length. See image below for the longest acceptable length as a grown man. Shorter is certainly acceptable.
- Keep the design simple. A plain color is fine, some stripes are fine, a basic Hawaiian flower design is ok. Minimal is the new excessive. Stick to that and you’ll be fine.
- Have more than one pair. You don’t want to be the guy that wears the exact same, stinky trunks every weekend.
I’m gonna make this really easy on you.
Below are 4 examples of places you can get new
trunks, and I made sure to find something t
hat fits in every man’s budget.