I’ve always wondered why you never see “follow best practices” on a list of best practices. Well, just know it’s implied. Carry on.
1. Whenever dealing with topic of STDs, always err on the side that won’t make people wonder if you have any
2. If your date has leftovers at a restaurant, do not carry her leftovers out of the restaurant for her. You don’t want people thinking you didn’t finish all your food (if you have both your testicles and leftovers at a restaurant, please don’t read this blog anymore).
3. Know, use and understand the term “Great White Buffalo”
4. Grow a non-ironic mustache. The man that can survive the first 2 years of his peers thinking this is a joke will see it pay off in spades.
5. Similar to buying stock, always be contrarian to the opinions of your peers.
a. Example: In my high school days, some men were publicizing their idea that women didn’t poop or fart (the “women are angels and I’d never even think about not calling one back after heavy petting in the back of my ’92 Crown Victoria” implications were obvious). That was fine a decade ago, but now too many guys voice this opinion, and you look like a deuschy lemming if you say it too. Whether you bought into that opinion early enough or not, there’s only one option now. Sell.
6. Never act like you know more than a girl on topics of style, interior decorating, fabric care or baking. Even if you do know more, the knowledge wins you nothing.
7. Do not read 50 Shades of Grey.
8. Hide the fact that you don’t understand half of the joke references in Archer.
9. When not wearing a tuxedo, avoid drinking out of Martini glasses.
10. Be a Kevin Durant fan.
Preaching what I practice,