When I posted “Do not read 50 Shades of Grey” as a best practice amongst unmarried males, I assumed it would be accepted as gospel. Since then, I’ve probably had 29 conversations about a book I’ve never read. While a few girls have a insisted it’s a love story, a few women have told me it romanticizes abusive sex. I don’t know which one is true, and I really don’t care. All I know is that whenever I think of a reason to reinforce this unresearched opinion, I’m going to post it.
Save your time, Men. we have been here before
While it’s fairly common knowledge that women want nothing more than a slovenly dressed man to sit on their couch as they cook and clean for him, they occasionally lose sight of those desires (my chauvinism feels like it’s running a little hot today). Every couple of years we see a mythological titan of romance rise up in film and literature, and usually both. The unwavering devotion of Noah Notebook and the fantastical attentions of Edward Twilight are literary figures holding testicle sheers. I distinctly remember two lines, one directed at me and one not. “Why can’t you be more like Noah?” And, “Reading about Edward actually makes me hate you a little bit.” You know what happened in both cases? The girls got over it until they found some new piece of estrogen crack, now appearing in the idea of Christian Grey. So, men, if you feel so insecure that you need to peak into a woman’s fantasy world, feel free. But this too shall pass, and you’re probably just wasting your time.
PS. This was written with the assumption that a man can’t have personal pleasure from 50 Shades of Grey as it falls under “girl-world” parameters. Meaning that if the initial consumer of a product is over 71% female, then said product is incapable of satisfying male consumers. Famous examples of “girl world” products are purple gel pens, Nicholas Sparks novels, sequins, the Volkswagen Beetle, Vagisil, Easy Bake Ovens, napkins and picture frames.