Daily Archives: June 25, 2012

Men, Don’t Read 50 Shades of Grey: Reason 2

When I posted “Do not read 50 Shades of Grey” as a best practice amongst unmarried males, I assumed it would be accepted as gospel.  Since then, I’ve probably had 29 conversations about a book I’ve never read.  While a few girls have a insisted it’s a love story, a few women have told me it romanticizes abusive sex.  I don’t know which one is true, and I really don’t care.  All I know is that whenever I think of a reason to reinforce this unresearched opinion, I’m going to post it.
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Manage Expectations

The most dangerous thing to do in a relationship is set precedents. Go ahead and read 50 Shades of Grey, but know that your lady friend will expect you to read similar books in the future.  Each word that enters your brain is a drop in the heavy bucket of expectations that you enjoy these books, and the path to disappointment is paved in expectations.  To avoid laying that disappointment on your lady friend (that you don’t want to continually consume “girl world” books), not only are you going to have to read the 50 Shades sequels , but you’ll also have to read whatever tri-heptalogy that comes out next.  The market for estrogen crack is too strong now….I’m personally thinking of getting into the market by writing a story about an agoraphobic, corporate heiress who gains an unhealthy fixation with her Liam Hemsworth-esque neighbor, living out her fantasies through voyeurism and under-cover prostitutes.  It’s gonna be bigger than Beanie Babies….Point is, you don’t want to spend your future Wednesday nights reading some book called Suicidal Lust beside a roaring fire when you could be watching re-runs of Storage Wars.