My co-starring penemy* just hit me up on the Facebook to tell me how grievously we’ve failed in our efforts to make the public give us attention. I haven’t posted here on Writing Bareback since the second quarter**. A mistake I now correct.
[*a phrase I’ve coined for an in-blog frienemy. In this case, Tommy Cooksey]
[**we run this blog like a failing business, where quarterly regression is tracked]
Put the failures of Q3 behind you, cause I’m back like the clap. Where have I been you ask? Oh you didn’t? Well let me tell you anyway. My fingers tapped their way onto the pages of another site, and it’s nice over there. It’s safe. PolicyMic has editors that guard me from making some overly self-indulgent creative mistakes. If you’re one of the people that hasn’t picked up on the pun that is this site’s name, let me make it blunt. The other site could just as easily be called Writing With A Condom On. So that’s where I’ve been, and you can read any and all of those articles here. But now I’m back like Jordan in 2001.
I’m back like Arnold in The Last Stand. And while the only man to dominate the physical, cultural and political worlds enjoys the lowlights of his twilight, I’ll be here to highlight the lowlights of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 (or whatever it’s called).
I’m back like the conservative movement in 2016, ready to forget about how crappy the election was 4 years ago.
I’m back like the dishwasher technology of 1985, showing up for 27 straight years with nothing new to make your life better.
I’m back like Jay Leno, leaving you really lukewarm about the fact that I ever left to begin with.
I’m back like Garfield in your Sunday paper, making you go, “Meh” with an inexplicable “why did I waste my time” bemusement.
I’m back. And if you aren’t excited for that, then you’re probably a human being. It’s good to see you again.