So, I feel like I need some sort of preamble here, but the title is so obvious. In the spirit of this column, this title is to descriptiveness what a nightclub is to finding women. I think that makes sense. Tommy?…Yep, the T-Bone is playing a big role on this article. His stuff’s in italics.
The Airport – I get the allure. You’re in a strange place, feeling like a domestic man of mystery. Naturally you’ll want to run suave game at the bar of a Chili’s Too. Knock yourself out! But remember that you’re running at 95% chance of a long distance relationship, meaning all the talking and…and…nope, it’s just talking. The airport makes the list only because nearly every man has fallen in love once during air travel.
Look for the one drinking a beer. If she’s sipping wine she’s way to bougie and likely not open to engage in any kind of meaningful convo with you. Very effective here if you have a layover somewhere. You notice an attractive young lady at your hometown airport, then notice that you’re both lined up in the same gate to catch your connecting flight. Is there an easier conversation starter? If all else fails just use the classic Dumb and Dumber line “Why ya at the airport? Flyin somewhere?” (that’s not exact, but I bent to make it fit this scenario).
The Gym – Testosterone is running high. Your biceps are looking 17% better than usual. You could probably bed an Amazon and enjoy it in this atmosphere. The only things working against the gym is that a girl you meet there goes at the same time as you, meaning if things go badly, you or her will probably have to switch routines (or worse, act like adults). And if it does work out, you’re building a relationship around physical fitness, which is kind of against most of the benefits of male monogomy.
I’m not quite as fond of this one. I like a girl that’s in the gym with a purpose, like I am. She’s getting her sweat on and working hard. I don’t want to be the guy who makes her take her headphones off to make small talk. But join a spin class, yoga class, something in a group setting. Go a few weeks in a row and then chat her up. “The spin instructor really brought it today huh?”
The TOP FIVE!!…!!!
5. Harris Teeter – It was almost too obvious to make the list. There’s a million conversation starters no matter if you’re in the melons, the canned goods, or deli meat sections. It’s hard to look like a loser in the grocery store (“Look at this fine young man planning for his week’s sustenance, and he must be able to pay for it!”). You’re going to go anyway, might as well throw it into you’re hunting grounds rotation.
Notice this is Harris Teeter. If you don’t have a Teeter near you, just think of that middle of the road grocery store in your city. You want to stay away from Food Lion’s …for obvious reasons. I could even make a case for something more upscale and organic like Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods. The women in here take their grocery shopping VERY seriously and as an amateur organic shopper you could use a little help. Ask the cute girl in the produce section, not the 40 year old with arm tattoos and 80’s hair behind the counter.
4. Target – I’ve been to Target at all sorts of hours. I waited for the doors to open one morning so I didn’t have to wear the same shirt to work two days in a row. I’ve been there as it was closing to pick up frozen pizza. I’ve been in there barefoot to buy sandals. I’ve been to Targets in six different states! Throw all the scenarios out the window! Every single time, there has been an attractive female there! Every time.
I echo everything Dusty said here. I’ve never not seen an attractive female in my many, many trips to Target. The danger here is like everyone’s danger when going to target; you go in to buy deodorant and walk out with t-shirts, bag of candy, windex, gum and a candle and you just dropped $100. I feel the only reason it didn’t rank higher on the list is because its not as easy to make convo as it is in the final 3.
3. Barnes & Noble – My personal favorite actually. One, it seems like a place rapists wouldn’t go, and if they did, they’re probably only the statutory variety. Two, a man in the bookstore is making a statement. He’s analog, baby! Which means he doesn’t need to use an iPad to ignore you. Thirdly, you have a literal catalogue of conversation starters around you. “So you’re into Viatnamese travel books, huh? How do you feel about Viatnamese cuisine?” That’d probably work, like, 10% of the time.
No comment here, I buy my books on Amazon. I border on the edge of Analog and Digital. Maybe I need to give this a shot?
2. Starbucks – Duh. If there’s one thing hot girls don’t do, it’s go off-script with their coffee. They go to Starbucks and order exactly what they like, even at a premium price. No surprises and no disappointments. That’s where you come in…
OR find some local coffee shop and make this your GO TO spot. Get to know the owner a little, try different stuff per the owner’s recommendations. Then when the woman of your dreams walks in, simply make a suggestion as “You know the owner.” A girl going to a local coffee shop has great taste and is looking for something a little off the beaten path. Next thing you know, you and her are talking about how good the Heath Bar latte is she’s drinking and about this awesome, informative yet playful blog you write…
1. Small Concert Venues – Ok you may need a wingman/woman for this event because you don’t want to just show up at a concert alone, but if you’re feeling strong, go at it alone! This is ideal since even if you come up empty, you still got a see a great live show. If you don’t really like music (you have no soul) then this option is likely not for you. I recently went to a show to see The Lumineers (who you first heard of here). There was no more than 300 people in this venue, packed in singing Lumineers jams at the top of their lungs. You stroll back to the bar, see the cutie you’ve been wanting to talk to and let her know “This PBR is on me.” Then, drink, dance, sing. Enjoy.
I’ve always believed in magic, the inexplicable stuff that sticks two out of 6 billion together. Music can still create it. But I also believe in a little something called chemistry. “You’re poor and culturally snotty? I’m poor and culturally snotty! I think we have some common ground here.”