Daily Archives: January 10, 2013

Ben McLemore and KU Beat Cyclones – A Running Diary

Been a while since I threw up my last running diary. I’m sad to report that Bobby Knight will not be providing his sepia-toned commentary tonight. Instead, we’ve got Matt Doherty, lover of the thin, widespread collar. I’m trying to keep an open mind. Mark Nealy will be calling the play by play, and this is probably the least interesting sentence I’ll ever write. Let’s get to the game.

First Half

20:00 – It’s a bad sign for Iowa State that their best player is also their head coach, Fred “The Mayor” Hoiberg.

19:10 – Starting the game with dueling 3-balls. A good sign from an entertainment perspective. If the Cyclones ride a guy named Georges Niang to a win tonight, I’ll eat my 2008 National Championship t-shirt.

18:03 – Niang hit’s his second three and has eight points. I wonder if Allrecipes.com has any clever ways to prepare a cotton-polyester blend?

16:06 – McLemore drills a three to give KU the 11-8 lead! It’s smoother than his dance moves!….OK, that’s a lie. Nothing is smoother than those dance moves. On a side note, you’ll notice that I celebrated McLemore’s first three and casually breezed over Elijah Johnson’s two three’s. That’s the power of stardom. Ask Puffs, Hunt’s, or Transmorpher’s…that thought line has forced me to pause the game and watch a trailer of Transmorpher’s (less than meets the eye!).

15:25 – Casual Withey block. I don’t understand why guys still trying to take it at Withey. He always blocks it. It’s like a girl telling you she won’t go out with you 63 consecutive times, but you think, “Hey, maybe 64th time’s a charm!”

14:58 – I’ll bet Hoiberg shops at Joseph A Bank’s. He looks sharp! Aaron Eckhart coul totally play him in a movie. —->>>

14:35 – Releford shoots an airball. Doherty says, “He got hit on the wrist.” Tyrus McGee responds by hitting a three in Releford’s face. Doherty says, “He didn’t get hit on the wrist.” The General would have just sat there in silence, which always speaks the loudest.

13:22 – Withey is rocking “controlled stubble” facial hair. He’s actually groomed his stubble. I did the same thing in college. Respect. I tried to find more info on this, but only @FakeJeffWithey had any insight, and it was slightly dated.

12:23 – Perry Ellis gets fouled on a rebound. I worry about Ellis. I fully expect him to bloom in future years, but he just seems oddly hesitant, not unlike his hesitance in the OSU victory celebration (he’s back right). It’s not a great sign.

11:15 – Second TV Timeout. KU is only up by a point. At home. Playing against maybe the most boring state in the Big 12 (you’re in the running too, Nebraska). I’m going to need to find some alternate storylines to spice up this game.

10:58 – Doherty calls screening a lost art. You know what else is a lost art? Handies….probably not the alternate storyline I’m looking for.

9:34 – Kansas fails to capitalize on an estimated 12 second chances (does that make any sense?). This game is starting to look all sorts of ugly. Unless you’re an Iowa State fan, then it probably look as beautiful as a ringworm-laden wrestling mat.

7:48 – Johnson with a pretty crossover to running hook! He’s the only Jayhawk that’s really playing up to expectations right now. And by expectations, I mean my “higher than Mitch Hedburg” expectations.

7:04 – Johnson misses his first shot. I shouldn’t have typed anything.

6:38 – And Melvin Ejim hits a three to tie it up for ISU. I really shouldn’t have typed anything.

5:55 – Johnson turns it over. Apparently edible  championship t-shirt is best prepared by a jynx-inducing typist.

4:44 – Naadir Tharpe drives down the left side of the lane with a stop-n-go drive to give KU the 31-27 lead. Tharpe kind of reminds me of a regular-sized Taye Diggs.

Diggs Tharpe

Eh…maybe not.

3:23 – final TV timeout of the half. KU is up 32-30. The Jayhawks rotations have been a bit slow, and ISU is hitting the three ball to stay even with the superior talent of Kansas. If KU doesn’t end this half with a run, we’re probably looking at a tight second half. As Teddy KGB taught us, you can’t let an underdog hang around. “Hanging around. Kid’s got alligator blood.”

3:02 – McLemore hits a RIDICULOUS pull-up three! I wish we could just let him shoot it 30 times one game and see what happens.

1:52 – McLemore again for three! KU’s up 40-32. Doherty likes that McLemore doesn’t pound his chest after a big shot. Somewhere Bobby Knight is nodding in agreement.

1:04 – Georges Niang gets called for a technical on a bump with words to Kevin Young. He’d better of said something along the lines of a “Honey Nut Cheerios” comment because that bump was Downy soft (sorry, Suavitel. Starpower).

0:00 – Chris Babb with a three at the buzzer! Makes the score 42-38 going into the half. Kansas may have the lead, but they don’t look good. ISU’s got momentum.


I’m showering. It is Wednesday after all.

Second Half

15:55 – So I took a little too much time in the shower. Babb hits a three and makes it 46-48. Subsequently, Elijah Johnson, a senior, gets baited into shoving Georges Niang, a freshman. This game has seven kinds of upset funk on it.

15:01 – Babb hits another three. I knew it. Elijah Johnson travels. I knew it. I should have stayed in the shower. It was warm there.

14:17 – Nealy points out that Iowa State hasn’t won in Allen Fieldhouse since 2005. I’ll give props to Nealy. He knew that KU fans were having a dark moment after losing the lead, and he walked up to us in the darkness and punched us in the esophagus. Classy.

13:33 – Ejim gets an And 1 as McLemore fails to pick up the charge. What the heck is McLemore doing!? Scoring leaders don’t take charges. You ever see Kobe take a charge? LeBron? Know your role!

13:01 – Babb fouled on a three. This is making me nauseous. Silver lining: photo (3)I didn’t put away the box of Zantac that my ex-girlfriend left by my couch over a month ago. Heartburn won’t be part of this failure-induced sickness. Some would call that luck. I’d call it, well, luck I guess.

11:56 – Nealy’s last words as we break to a TV timeout: “Kansas. Their 30-game winning streak on the line.” I’d like to take this moment to say that I was joking about eating a t-shirt. I mean, that does not fit with my New Year’s diet plan.

11:10 – Naadir Tharpe gets fouled. I’m impressed with how much run Self is giving Tharpe. I still don’t trust that little guy. Tharpe hits both free throws. I make a mental note to start trusting him more.

9:49 – Tharpe shoots a pull-up three with 30 seconds on the shot clock. I’m taking my trust back. Fool me once, Tharpe.

9:17 – Withey steal! Releford jam! TV sound guys do that thing where they suppress the crowd noise because the crows is TOO LOUD FOR TV!  Nice work, sound guys!

8:33 – Releford with a chance for the And 1 to tie…Releford has a nicely man-scaped beard as well. It’s not exactly controlled stubble. It’s more like someone gave his beard a fade…apparently having the hair beneath your sideburns as the shortest portion of your scruff is the hip thing to do in college. Noted.

6:49 – MCLEMORE! 4-point play! KU within two and the crowd is rocking!

6:27 – Korie Lucious responds with a 3!

6:07 – Withey converts a lob!

5:45 – Ejim nets a floater!

5:28 – McLemore nails a long two!

4:55 – McLemore gets fouled on the floor after a steal. Thank goodness! I was running out synonyms to describe made buckets. McLemore hit’s them both and it’s 68-67 ISU.

3:59 – Tyrus McGee hits a bomb of a three to put ISU up five. Somewhere Teddy KGB is nodding with understanding. You can’t let them hang around!

2:29 – Withey gets a follow after what was just terrible offense. I know it’s not Bill Self’s style, but he should probably just run NBA-style iso with McLemore at this point. Right now, the KU offense has as much flow as a 70-year-old man’s morning piss.

1:39 – Tharpe fouled and shooting two. This is it. My eternal trust in Naadir Tharpe hinges on these two shots…….one…..two. I’d let Tharpe perform an amateur vasectomy on me. He’s clutch.

0:26 – Ejim over Withey! I can’t believe it! Missed travel call! How do they miss that!?!? We’re getting homered at home! 4-point game.

0:21 – Senior Elijah Johnson misses a free throw. I should never have jynxed the crap out of him after his hot start. My bad, KU nation. This one is on me…me, or the absolutely horrid rebounding and lackluster defense. It’s one of those.

0:15 – Johnson picks up a bucket (should’ve gotten an And 1). One point game and ISU’s ball. Mice and I currently have something in common: the size of our buttholes.

0:1 -McLemore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suck it, mice! At this point, you don’t give a crap about the bank. We’re heading to overtime! Hold on to your butts!


5:00 – ISU tips the ball out of bounds. I don’t have exact stats for this, but a stolen tip going out of bounds is at least five minutes of bad luck.

4:48 – McLemore! 3-ball!!! I need to hear an announcer gush, “This kid is just special!”

4:24- Releford fouled on a three. Naturally, he hits them all in a way that was simply impossible during regulation.

2:58 – Withey does a weird post-esque move that works. At this point. The game is practically over. They’re winning the OT 10-0. That bank three at the buzzer from McLemore just broke the Cyclones’s will.

0:00 – A lot of fouls and free throws. KU wins 97-88. McLemore plays one of the most impressive freshmen conference openers I’ve ever seen. It’s going to be a good year.