Daily Archives: February 6, 2013

Why in the hell? Random thoughts about my day

Whenever I have downtime during the day, like when I’m brushing my teeth, driving to work, dropping heat, whenever, I think of things that I do, say, feel in my day-to-day life.  Unlike my esteemed blogging colleague Dusty, I don’t try justify all of these things with (sometimes flawed) rationale. Sometimes the only conclusion I can draw for myself is “Why in the hell…”

I’m hoping I’m not the only one who does these things, but at the risk of seeming like a quirkster, I’ve compiled a list of things that I can’t logically explain.

Why in the hell…

  • Do I stand 3 inches from the mirror when I floss my teeth? It’s uncomfortable and I have to then wipe the sling shot food and spit off of my mirror regularly.
  • Do I own so many damn t-shirts? Especially the free ones from runs, volunteering, intramural teams. They have no sentimental value and consume 2 full prime real estate drawers in my dresser. I think I could change shirts every hour of the work day for a week and still have some to spare.
  • Do I look at my reflection every time I walk past a mirror, car window, cool reflective glass, etc?
  • Do I have Easter 2012 candy still on my dresser? Those Peeps are hard and so unappetizing. It’s been a year. Time to drop those in the trash.
  • Is my keyboard so filthy? When I tip it over there is enough junk (crumbs, hair, random paper clip) for a resourceful bird to build a quality nest for her eggs.
  • Do I check Facebook from my laptop? Lay in bed and pull it up on my phone? Plug my phone in, then pull it up on my iPad? The world’s moving fast…but not that damn fast.
  • Do I fold my undies? (read: Boxer briefs, because that’s what a grown-ass man wears). Am I going to be so appalled with scrunched up, wrinkled drawers that I’d rather just go commando for the day?
  • Do I own a loofah? Somehow the thing has dust on it…and it’s in the shower. Better question, who was the first person to spell ‘loofah’? Doesn’t ‘loufa’ or ‘lufa’ feel so much better to spell?
  • Do I make 4 cups of coffee in the morning and only ever drink 2 and a half? Related news, I also now have 4 coffee mugs half full of coffee on my bathroom sink.

That’s all for now. I’m sure I’ll think of some more tomorrow morning in the shower. Why do I have a nail brush scrubber in there?

I welcome you to join in on this by adding your own “Why the hell…” situations in the comments. It’s quite therapeutic (got that spelling on the first try – maybe I should have been a professional speller for a living).

Tommy “Henry David Thoreau” Cooksey

I’m Getting Older: A Pre-Eulogy to my Youth

Last night I played five, full-court games of pickup basketball. We played to 12 by all ones. I’m pretty sure I was tied for the oldest guy playing (seriously, Matt “Burger” Pittman and I were a synchronized birth on 10/12/85, from crowning to clearance), and I should have stopped after game three. Today, my hips feel like they are connected to my torso with frayed yarn. My ankle is slightly swollen, and I can’t explain why my shoulder blades hurt. This is just the most recent in a series of signs that I’m aging. It might be time to salute my youth and gracefully fade into a recliner. Other signs:

  • Last week I did my laundry even though I had three pairs of clean underwear left.
  • I started hanging out with a 21-year-old girl at 4pm last Saturday. When my roommate returned home at 6am from his nightshift, he snapped a photo of me that should probably be turned into a demotivational poster (I intended to post this picture. It’s hilarious, but frankly, the “growing up” part of me advised against it).
  • My diet on Monday-Thursday consists of different variations of water, tilapia, broccoli, blueberries, chicken breasts, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, celery, carrots, whey protein, tuna, oatmeal and raisins. I feel great on these days.
  • My diet on Friday-Sunday consists of different variations of non-water, cheese, any meat, and any carb. I feel like Fred Dukes on these days, but less mobile.
  • I’m afraid to do a big yawn because there’s a 78% chance that my back cramps up.
  • I’ve been playing board games. Turns out playing a board game is way easier than going to a club or a bar or even leaving the house.
  • Sometimes, on Thursday, I don’t do anything because I have work on Friday.
  • People are actually making less fun of my thinning hair. This can only mean it’s finally getting thin enough that people actually feel bad about making jokes. Do me a favor people, and tell me my hair reminds you of an aging Hugh Laurie.
  • Grey beard hairs? Check.
  • Complete understanding of text lingo? Nope. I’ve really only mastered “ne14kfc”
  • I love KFC.
  • I also love Cracker Barrel, Shoney’s and the IHOP (for breakfast, not sixthmeal).
  • My left pinky fell asleep while typing this post.

So here I am, a strong, virulent, horse of a man at the twilight of my powers. 27 feels like the new 71. I actually had a headcold back in December. That hadn’t happened since before puberty. Whatever. I’m at peace with it. Hard candies and slippers, here I come.

Cracking open an ensure,
Dusty “Scrabble Master” Riedesel