In a triple-threat effort to entertain, self-aggrandize and be less creative, I’m going to start sharing where I’ve been on the Internet every Wednesday. Because of the alliterative sweetness of double W’s, I’m fairly confident this will be a big hit. Here’s where I’ve been this week:
Toledo Runners Sex Scandal, Deadspin.com – Any story that focuses on the always poignant “when does it become rape” debate is sure to entertain. In those regards, this one did not disappoint. In a nutshell, a cross country coach was banging his players, and one girl turned him in using saved texts as evidence (not proof) of the man’s nigh-rapiness.
Allow me to ramble for a moment.
While there are a lot of things to talk about here, I think one is more interesting than all the others. Given the ever-changing digital landscape, aren’t we at a historical high point for chances of a criminal (or at least job-threatening) level of creepiness getting recorded? That age-old wisdom of “anyone over half your age plus seven years is okay to date” might be going out the window. If I’m 38, there’s a solid chance that I’m over-extending myself on a medium I don’t understand (gTalk, Facebook, new phone operating systems, anything cloud-based, “I didn’t know they could screenshot my self-deleting SnapChat”, etc). I used to tell people, “Get in shape or date older.” Now I’m going to tell people, “Be on the bleeding edge of technology or date older.” In the future, I’ll tell people, “Don’t be a cheating, rape-prone deucher.”
Adam Carolla Podcast w/ Sasha Grey, AdamCarolla.com – I’m a podcast fiend. I listen to them in my car, in the shower, on busses, while working out, cooking, and cleaning if I did that. Adam Carolla was SO money on this particular pod. Phrases worthy of highlight:
-“The jet ski by the river is the natural predator of deusche bags.”
-“My sexual style is ‘nothing to prove.’”
-“You don’t dabble in rape.”
I have other interests besides ex-pornstar podcasts and college sex scandals. How can you not enjoy trolling THE MOST BELOVED SEQUEL OF ALL TIME? Breaking down grievous strategic mistakes by the Intergalactic Empire’s military with rich textual and diagrammed detail, the article really sums up all you need to know about Emperor Palpatine’s fall from rule: Don’t place unaccountable religious fanatics in wartime command.
Arcadia Fire’s “Wake Up” lyrics, azlyrics.com – Every now and then you hear a song randomly and it touches you, then you go read the lyrics you were only kind of listening to and you realize that what you thought was a light nostalgic caress was really a surgical strike to heartfelt regrets. Grow the hell up and stop wasting your opportunity to live life the right way….good tune.
Dom Mazzetti vs Stuff, Youtube.com – This is one of those black holes in the YouTube-verse where 45 minutes passes with corn-like ease. It’s NSFW unless you have headphones, so you know it’s good. You prob want to start with the YOLO video below, but they’re all the same “guido riffs hilariously on life” concept. My favorite line from the ones I’ve watched: “Dieting is like relationships. It’s not cheating if you’re drunk.”
Reader Submission of the Week
How did I find the other stuff? Who knows, but every week I’ll place my favorite thing that a reader sent to me. This week:
Subject: One for Mr. Cooksey
Comment: Something that touches on how ridiculous hip hop has gotten. This video may give you some creative inspiration:
Well, I didn’t turn that into anything other than what it is, but it is appreciated nonetheless. Well, I’m off to explore more of the final frontier, which would be the Internet and not “ugly chicks” as Dom Mazzetti would tell you.
See you next week,