5 Complaints from a Budding Maculinist

When I saw PolicyMic’s Feminist Writing Skillshare link, I began wondering if I would be considered a feminist, after all, I do believe in men and women deserve equal rights. My next thought was, “If it’s about the genders being equal, then shouldn’t it be called a humanist?”

Merriam-Webster defines a “masculinist” as “an advocate of male superiority or dominance.”

Damn connotative foibles. If being a “feminist” meant being a believer in female superiority, I’d be against it. Fortunately, I found that the definition is considered controversial, and the widely accepted term and definition is “masculism” as “the belief that equality between the sexes requires the recognition and redress of prejudice and discrimination against men as well as women.” That sounded even-handed to me, and I like that. I’d frankly be just fine if we called it humanism. But we don’t. It’s masculism. I know that that we still have several issues to bridge the gap to equality from a feminist viewpoint, but as a newly christened maculinist, I just want to point out some things that are plaguing the masculism camp.

1.      Neither “masculinism” or “masculism” is recognized as a correctly spelled word by Microsoft Office applications. Get out of the dark ages, Microsoft! I am man, hear me make a sweet, bird-like noise.

2.      Soft prostitution is still en vogue. When I take a girl out to dinner, there’s this whole check dance that we have to engage in (I searched for the HIMYM video but couldn’t find it). She acts like she wants to split it. I insist that I’ve got it. She insists back. I do an annotated version of the St. Crispin’s Day speech about holding my manhood cheap, and then she demurely relents with or without a bashful eyeroll. I like the check dance. It makes everyone feel good. You know what it means when a girl finally lets me pay? Absolutely nothing! She’s not obligated to go out with me again. I offered to pay and that’s my risk. That’s equality, just the same way I’ll assume nothing is meant if she insists on splitting the check. I don’t care how a woman wants to play it, but both masculism and feminism shouldn’t read too much into either approach. When the bill is paid, no debt is made.

3.      Condoms aren’t cheap. If both people are benefiting from their use, then maybe both people should be buying them. I’m just saying.

4.      Women are allowed to beat my ass. Short story: I “dated” a woman in college. It did not end well. She saw me at a bar a year later, walked up to me and slapped the taste out of my mouth. Twice! What happened next? Nothing. I simply internalized my white-hot rage for the next fifteen minutes as I waited for my buddies to stop cackling like damn hyenas. Flip that situation around for a minute. Men would come running to stop a man hitting a woman. Why aren’t women running to stop a woman from hitting a man? For all those thinking I deserved it, I can assure you that I did not (mostly). Pretty soon people will think I’m okay with a woman taking advantage of me sexually too. Pigs!

5.      The “sinking ship” expectation still exists. Women and children go first! For all the talk of chivalry being dead, men are still the majority working the most dangerous jobs, like military, law enforcement, oil rigs, and while this is a guess, probably alligator wrestling. As a believer in gender equality, I’d like to center some legislation around two ideas: genetically engineering women to be as physically strong as men even if it compromises their femininity, and an affirmative action hiring process that requires more women than men hired into all professions deemed life-threaten….

….alright, I can’t even finish that one. It’s so hard to care about this stuff! Complaint number two was actually pretty valid though.

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One response to “5 Complaints from a Budding Maculinist

  1. “Neither “masculinism” or “masculism” is recognized as a correctly spelled word by Microsoft Office applications.”
    Neither is Maculinist.

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