Labor Day weekend offers a smorgasbord of potential social pitfalls. The circumstances? It’s been over two months since you had a holiday. It’s probably your last true summer weekend. It’s also the beginning of college football season. It’s like college revertigo has used those factors to triangulate your position and make you act a fool. How should you prepare? I don’t know. This advice is in a rear view mirror, the lessons I learned from a weekend gone by. Most likely I’ll forget them by 2014.
1. If you’re packing underwear for a weekend trip, stick with a “better more than not enough” approach.
2. If you’re buying beer for a beach trip, stick with a “better more than not enough” approach.
3. If the sign says “no alcohol on the beach,” then don’t read the sign. You’re an ignorant out-of-towner.
4. But remember, you’re also a nice, law-abiding out-of-towner who respects authority.
5. Falling asleep as your driver’s copilot is basically forcing them to text and drive, and you know what texting and driving can lead to…
6. If you’re making pizza after a full day of drinking, stick with a “better more than not enough” approach.
7. Don’t drink so much. Seriously.
8. Then again, YOLO.
9. As a guest, try to use the words “How can I help?” as frequently as possible.
10. The best part of being a guest is that the host usually has it covered.
11. First floor bathrooms are for onesies only.
12. Be yourself, but not at the expense of others.
13. Actually, don’t risk being yourself. Be like Alfred Pennyworth. Everyone likes Alfred.