Should You Watch Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.? We’ll Answer That For You

Because one of my fav’s Mark Lisanti was always so helpful in guiding my movie choices with the Q&A format below, I can do no less. You can also entitle this: “What I did with my lunch hour.” Enjoy.

“There was an idea to bring together a group of remarkable people, so when we needed them, they could fight the battles that we never could…” That was Nick Fury laying down a brilliantly shameless piece of exposition to explain both The Avengers and its titular super-hero team. The flick consisted of megastars that laid quips and beatdowns with the same efficiency that a building-sized arc reactor provides clean energy. Generally applauded for its boner-inducing action, the movie has currently grossed somewhere between $1.46 billion and the annual salary of an Asgardian metallurgist. It’s been a hit.

Click forward a year and a half. We’re gearing up for fall TV, and unless you’ve been in suspended animation somewhere in the North Atlantic Ocean, you’ve heard about the under-powered TV spinoff, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.(.) The season premiere airs tonight at 8/7c. Naturally, you, the curious consumer, is wondering whether or not this show is worth your time. We here at Writing Bareback are happy to address your concerns.

Are you a fan of Marvel’s movie franchises that culminated in The Avengers?

This could mean anything. Maybe you liked the way that Natalie Portman brought subtweeting to acting when she looked at Chris Hemsworth’s Thor as if to say, “You’re so much hotter than your brother.” Maybe you were honestly conflicted over whether you found Steve Rogers’ earnesty more endearing than the more-sizzle-than-steak panache of Tony Stark? Maybe you just realy dig flying, invisibles hellicarriers. There’s a lot going on, so there’s a lot to like. And, yeah, you’re a fan.

Well, you’re SEEING IT. Because Disney wouldn’t have put millions into research and marketing for fans to not migrate.

Do you find Clark Gregg charming?

Duh, and/or hello! You were so taken by Agent Coulson after Iron Man 2 that you probably didn’t notice that he showed up in every single movie without a first name until The Avengers. Well, you’re WATCHING THIS SHOW. It’s a special kind of charm that makes you want someone around even though you don’t know their first name. Hookers have it. Superheros have it. And Agent Coulson had it. Do the math. He’s the superhero movie hooker that took the money to be this show’s hero.

Are you easily engaged by shows built around acronym-named organizations keeping the peace?

Tough to say. The CSI shows have been succeesful in a generic way, but you don’t really like those anymore than you like original Cheerios. Was MASH an acronym? That show was supposed to be pretty good. Now, the MIB thing was always cool, but that was a movie. Truth is, you wouldn’t even know what SHIELD stands for unless the trailer address it. You’re in luck.

Maria Hill: What does S.H.I.E.L.D. stand for, Agent Ward?
Grant Ward: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.
Maria Hill: And what does that mean to you?
Grant Ward: That someone really wanted our initials to spell out “shield.”

That postively, self-depricating bit of dialogue has quelled your fears, so YOU’RE TUNING IN.

Are you such a big fan of the hulk-like unstoppability of Avenger’s Writer/Director Joss whedon’s writing on projects ranging from toy story to Buffy the Vampire Slayer that you’ll tune in to anything he has a hand in and even consider branding yourself with an “In Joss We Trust” tattoo?

Proceed with caution since Joss is only writing the first episode. His ongoing role is an unknown, so maybe hold off on the tattoo. But he’s writing tonight’s episode, so guess what. YOU WILL BE SEEING TONIGHT’S EPISODE.

But what if you’re not a joss whedon fan?

Maybe SEE IT ANYWAY. After all, he might not be that involved going forward.

what if i’m very specifically an iron man fan do to the comedic timing and all-around “no one does deuschebag better than me” performances of robert downey jr?

You should SKIP IT. RDJ is now getting paid in Extremis patents and other back-end movie negotiations because there aren’t enough liquid assets in Hollywood to purchase his “no one does deuschebag better than me” performances.

But seriously, is Clark Gregg really going to be that charming?

As charming as a super-powered hooker. You’re SEEING IT.

Thank me later,
Dusty “DEFINITELY SEEING IT” Riedesel

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