I didn’t know what to expect from J. Betski’s, I just went for Schnitz ‘n’ giggles. A little German food humor for you there. You’re welcome. But on a serious note, I’ve been there, so I consider it my duty to answer your burning questions on whether or not a visit is worth your time.
Do you like the delicious cuisine and fine beverages of Central and Eastern Europe?
While adjectives like “delicious” and “fine” would seem to be opinionated, they are, in fact, factual. The quality of J. Betski’s food is not to be called into question. The real question is if you have a regional bias against Central and Eastern Europe, and since most J. Betski’s patrons are WWII victorious Americans that got over the Cold War with Sly Stallone’s help, you’re fine with Central and Eastern Europe. So YOU’RE COMFORTABLE VISITING.
Do you like the idea of a local businesses where J. Betski himself is the owner/operator of J. Betski’s?
Of course YOU WOULD, but the actual owner of J. Betski’s is John F. Korzekwinski, so THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE GETTING here. It’s almost like Korzekwinski realized that Mike Kryzewyzkewskiy (nailed it) goes by “Coach K” to make it easy on everybody, and took that simplification as a Polish(?)-American marketing keystone. If that “it’s not about me” mentality isn’t a good sign for you, the all-important consumer, then I don’t know what is. You can say the restaurant name, maybe YOU’LL EVEN INVITE OTHERS TO VISIT.
Where do you stand on Pierogies?
Even if you have no idea what a pierogi is, YOU LOVE PIEROGIES! Trust me. It’s baked/fried dough wrapping any combination of ingredients before being drizzled or lambasted in some luxurious sauce like sage brown butter. Say that topping. “Sage Brown Butter.” It has incredible imagery, like it’s the wisest, smoothest condiment ever. The Morgan Freeman of condiments probably. Point is, that’s the kind of culinary detail that makes these the BEST PIEROGIES IN TOWN, so you should DEFINITELY VISIT.
Are you a connoisseur of fancy beers?
You’re not French, if that’s what I’m asking. So, MAYBE? J. Betski’s proudly present some fine beverages (remember?). But where the deft logic of simplification drives pierogi fiends through the door, it cannot bridge you to an exotic beer menu. You can’t order an “Aecht Schlenkerla Weizen Rauchbier” with any sort of confidence, and even if you could, you’d sound really pissed off doing it. Plus, most beers are coming in at the $8-$10 price. Stick to the Crafty Beer Shop to expand the pallet, and if a beer is all you’re looking for, YOU SHOULDN’T VISIT.
That said, where’s your patriotism?
Maybe some people think of Americans as ignorant and rich. And maybe that does piss you off a little bit. Mispronounce the name of that overpriced drink in the harsh constants of Eastern European dialect. You’re proud to be an overindulgent American. And that’s a GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO VISIT.
Do you have an opinion about great deals on top notch sausage at lunch?
Duh, and/or hello!? You, like everyone should, LOVE TOP NOTCH SAUSAGE. The lunch menu at J. Betski’s is really the hallmark of the restaurant. Everything comes in at $10 or under, and it’s still a
healthy hearty portion of their best foods, from Bratwurst to Kielbasa to Schnitzel. At that price, HOW CAN YOU NOT VISIT?
In summation, I’d give J. Betski’s 4.5 out of 5 sausages, and WORTH A VISIT. Consider yourself informed.
Wishing I had a cool condiment comparison,
Dusty “Tangy Horseradish Drizzle” Riedesel