Daily Archives: January 25, 2014

10 Days Every Year that You’re Going to Get Drunk

Drinking alcohol socially is fun. Drinking alcohol alone, with no purpose is depressing. When we were in college, both were socially acceptable. Remember the days of boozing until 5AM, waking up at 10AM and not feeling even the slightest hint of a hangover? Nowadays I think twice before ordering that second glass of Pinot Noir with dinner, for fear of waking up like someone hit me in the head with a Louisville Slugger the night before. As a result, I’m very selective about which days of the hear I drink to excess. Look Ma, your boys all grown up!

With every passing year, I widdle down the days and at the ripe old age of 28, I’ve settled on 10 days each year when I’ll allow myself to take my drinking over the edge. (Disclaimer: Weddings and birthdays are always grounds for partaking in several adult beverages).

1. New Year’s Eve – Doesn’t matter what year. If you’re with a group or just with your significant other. If you’re out on the town or a house party. If you’re drinking to forget the prior year or celebrate the possibilities of a new one. You’re drinking, and you’re loving it. And you’ll always drink too much champagne – hangover enemy number 1.

2. Super Bowl Sunday – There’s a 1/16 chance (generally speaking) that your team is playing. If not, you care more about the food and the alcohol you’ll be consuming during the 5 hour affair of commercials, half time show and saying “I don’t care who wins, as long as it’s a good game.”

3. Valentine’s Day – Dusty added this one in an email chain we had going, and I have no idea why. I think he was single at the time of the email, so that might be why. Or maybe he likes to drink copious amounts of Barefoot Merlot and get real weird with his significant other.

4. St. Patty’s Day – Green beer, Guiness, Baby Guiness, Jameson. In recent years, St. Patty’s Day has fallen on a weekend and it’s been spectacular. Someone will inevitably pinch you too hard because you forgot to wear green (tough holiday for us blue-green color blind folk). You give me a titty twister (aka purple nurple) and you will get punched in the face.

Possibly the best drink on earth.

5. Cinco de Mayo – You’re likely eating crappy Mexican food and washing it down with a delicious Mexican beer or a margarita or a shot of tequila or a delicious Margorona. Some buzz killer will certainly bring up the irony of you celebrating the bloody Battle of Pueblo. Tell that hipster to shut up and take this shot of Cuervo with you.

6. Memorial Day – You have Monday off? DRINK! Here in the Cooksey household we host an annual party complete with grilling, corn hole and American flags. 2104 will be the 5th annual, and something I’m thoroughly looking forward to. This Bud’s for you. Or PBR, both are patriotic as hell.

7. 4th of July – When we were kids we used to get excited about sparklers and watching fireworks at the county fairgrounds. That excitement is now saved for poolside beers for an entire day. I think this should be a 2 day holiday and we should the 5th off as well.

8. Your local Oktoberfest – Never been to one? If unlimited beer consumption, brats, cool weather and lederhosens don’t get you excited, then what the hell are you reading this post for? Stop it with those judgmental eyes. PROBST!

9. Adult Halloween – Since my birthday is on October 29th, this one’s extra special and extra intoxicated. Guys dress like fools, girls dress like (classy) hookers and everyone drinks and laughs until it hurts. Candy stomach aches are replaced by alcohol induced vomiting and waking up in your costume.

10. Thanksgiving Eve – Bars tote this as one of the heaviest drinking days of the year. You and your friends have all made the trip home and bellied up to your local watering hole to drink and reminisce about high school. These nights and Facebook have all but negated the need for class reunions.

11 (Surprise! Bonus drinking day!). Friendsmas – Or maybe by some other name. Sometime between December 18th and December 23rd, you and your friends get together, exchange gifts (or not) and drink to the year of good times, good friends and comfort and joy.

Now I’m in the mood to have a drink or several. Catch you on the flip side.

I’ll have a vodka redbull, hold the vodka,

Tommy “No-Hangover” Cooksey