Monthly Archives: December 2014

Part II: Buy or Sell: What Happened in 2014 that’s worth taking with us to 2015?

My co-blogging, co-working, co-living bud wrote an initial post with this title yesterday piggy-backing on an idea I had last week. As such I felt the need to post my “Buy or Sell” thoughts (facts) that started this idea in the first place.

Without further ado:

BUY:

Fabric flower lapel pins. A few years ago, pocket squares and tie clips made a comeback and made you stand out. Now everyone does it (albeit some better than others). One of these little bad boys in your lapel sets you apart from the pack.

Crossfit. Now that everyone’s taken their uninformed jabs and complete misunderstanding of the sport of Crossfit, its time you give it a shot. When you walk into a boss, not everyone looks like the guys/girls you see on tv, trust me. If you don’t think its for everyone, just ask the “bawse” Rick Ross who now does Crossfit, or as he calls it “RossFit.” As Rozay says “If you wanna do jumpin’ jacks wit da cheerleaders, we gon wave at you when we ride by. We gettin’ it.” Plus if you’re single, its a great way to meet a significant other…I know from experience.

Man tights – It’s mid-Winter, you’re pasty, hairy legs are scaring everyone in the gym. Plus these bad boys provide some nice compression when you’re squatting, because leg day is the new chest day. Plus it’s cold outside, keep your lower half warm. Disclaimer: Wear them under your shorts, because no one wants to see all that.

TV Show “How to Get Away With Murder” – Because its intense and its awesome. Thanks to my fiance for forcing me to watch the first episode and getting me hooked.

SELL:

Hashtagging – It started as a useful search/trend follower on twitter. Then it got annoying. Then it became a parody of itself. Now its just silly. It’s experienced the full life cycle. Let it go.

Vine – You had your time in the sun, Vine. But then Instagram did video, and now you’re irrelevant. Sad to see you go, but not sad to see people that became “Vine-Famous” go.

Terio – I’ll be the first to tell you, when I first found Terio on Vine (see above) I thought he was hilarious. I mean, a little fat kid, with over-sized clothes, dancing on cue to no music. But then football players started doing his dance in the endzone. Then his family started to exploit this 7 year old kid, doing club appearances in the middle of the week and other questionable parenting decisions. Plus now he’s like 8 and no longer this funny little fat kid. Sorry, ohh killem. He gone.

Buying music – Because why? With streaming services like Spotify, even iTunes is trying to figure out a way to offer streaming music for free or a monthly charge. If you’re a DJ, you get a pass.

Big Bang Theory – How many times can you recycle the same scenarios and jokes and expect them to be funny. Plus we liked long-hair Penny better.

Buy or Sell: What Happened in 2014 that’s worth taking with us to 2015?

In a heavier mood from an earlier date, I pontificated on the passing of time:

I thought we made minutes small to trick ourselves into thinking that life is long. But I think the real trick is that the minutia of time was built in cycles. Hours, days, weeks and seasons repeating in perpetuity so that the future always looks like a cul-de-sac instead of a dead end. You hear it more than you think. This is going to be my year. The sun will come up tomorrow. It’s always darkest before the dawn. It’s as if hope was built into the fabric of time.

2014. It’s nearly in the books. And in an effort to take steps forward, I’m going to highlight 5 things from the year we as a society should be buying more of for 2015, and 5 things we should sell so hard that the only place they show up is in SNL skits in the year 2027 to remind us of how ridiculous this era is. All credit for this idea belongs to my co-blogging penemy, Tommy Cooksey. But first, because I don’t want to bury some of the most valuable and prescient information a man can use as New Year’s Day approaches, here’s a classic conversational tip for the upcoming season:

Ask people about their New Year’s resolutions. Few other topics simultaneously disclose a person’s insecurities alongside their dreams. Knowing those two things are like putting your two hands on the steering wheel of their life car.

Alright. That’s settled. Misogynists and gentleman alike, you’re welcome. Now on to Buy/Sell 2014.

BUY

Matthew McConaughey

2014 was a banner year. There was this:

And this:

And that character led to this:

Which turned into this:

I thought that I’d be willing to buy all things McConaughey until we’re born again into the moments we’ve already lived, but there is an end to this rabbit hole. It’s MM-spoofed marriage proposals.

Buy McConaughey. Sell social media marriage proposals…I mean, we were selling those back in 2012.

Colored Shoelaces

Most sartorial pros would tell you I’m a year (or two) behind on this trend. Maybe I am. I’m 29, and my mother was the one who told me this was a cool thing, so that is what it is. But this isn’t a “What’s the bleeding edge of cool in 2015” blog post. So don’t worry about it. BUY.

Enjoying Small Ball Baseball

Let’s be clear. Small ball is not the way to be a successful baseball team. High OBP and home runs are still the “best” baseball strategy. But as a fan, the threat of the steal, the high contact/low strikeout lineup, and the “we’ll never pull away, but we’re never out of it because you won’t score in the last three innings” approach of the Kansas City Royals is just better suited to build tension in every game. Just as in story-telling, complexity and layers create a richer narrative. I wish al lthe teams played smaller. In something we unfortunately can’t control, BUY.

The Hemsworth Brothers

As my friend Britt says, “There’s seriously a Hemsworth for every taste. You like long & lean, there’s a Hemsworth for that. A taste for shorter men, we have a Hemsworth for that. Maybe more of a broad and muscular, good news, there’s a Hemsworth for you too! Best of all, all Hemsworth models come with Australian accents.”

I’m a Chris fan. While his IMDB shows nothing in 2014, he still wrangled Sexiest Man Alive, and his 2015 is looking awesome. Don’t sleep on Hemsworth.

GIF Texting

Because:

BUY.

SELL

“Bye Felicia”

This isn’t something white girls should be clinging to. SELL

ice bucket challenge

Dear IBC,

It’s not you. It’s us. When we first met, we all thought you were fun and had a great heart. But after a while, you were forcing us to hang out with friends on your time. You made us feel crappy about the fact that we’d rather dump cold water on ourselves than give money to a disease (or water to thirsting nations for that matter). You aren’t who we thought you were, and we’re leaving you in 2014.

No longer yours,
America

“NO MORE” NFL CAMPAIGN

The NFL tried to cover up from me (and you and everybody) that one of their players did something horrific in an elevator. When their cover up was found out, they responded with an ad campaign that tells the viewer that they won’t stand for violence towards women. The hypocirsy is bothersome enough. But also, I don’t beat women. It’s one of those basic things that I picked up with “respect your elders” and “don’t be naked in church, or the general public for that matter.” Has one of these PSA’s ever stopped a guy? All these commercials do is make me angry at the NFL for being such a two-faced league that is actively violent and dangerous while saying it’s against concussions and battery and….[deep breath]. SELL

#blessed

We wanted to sell it in 2013. It’s still around in 2014. By all that is holy, let’s sell this thing in 2015.

This will help explain: https://twitter.com/bestofblessed

E-Cigarettes

These do not have a future. I’m pretty positive they peaked last February. Sell it all. Sell it now. SELL.

Build a better you,
Dusty “Project 2015” Riedesel