Men Emotionally Mature 11 Years After Women. 30 Maturity Checks for Turning 30

I turn 30 this Monday. Does that make me a man? Rhetorical question. I’d like to believe I’ve been a man for a while, but it turns out that men’s brains don’t stop emotionally maturing until an average age of 43. Women are emotionally mature at an average age of 32, and then they just go on enduring us until we catch up. So here’s an emotional check in on how I’m doing with the top 30 maturity failings at the age of 30. Now, this list was done by the British, so it’s not perfect, but bear with me. We’ll keep a tally with a (+) for what I’m still doing or a (-) what I’m now too mature for. Yes, I’m putting emotional maturity in the (-) column. Call it a prediction. But first, let’s experience 29 one last time:

MEN’S TOP 30 MATURITY FAILINGS

1.Finding their own farts and burps hilarious – I’ve never been world class at either of these things, but I do like doing things like saying with utter sincerity, “I know exactly how I feel about that.” Then standing up, and farting. (+)

2.Eating fast food at 2:00am – It was a bag of Dorito’s a week ago. Probably still counts. (+)

3.Playing videogames – Sent an email out with NBA2K16 and the Uncharted Collection on my wish list just two days ago. (+)

4.Driving too fast or ‘racing’ another car at the lights or on the motorway – I never do this. Partially because I have a horrible driving record that I’m trying to balance out, and partially because I’m a huge wuss. (-)

5.Sniggering a bit at rude words – Only when no one is getting their feelings hurt. I hate hurt feelings. (-)

6.Driving with loud music – I’m a podcast guy now. (-)

7.Playing practical jokes – I love practical jokes. I’m also too lazy to play them. I win this one by accident. (-)

8.Trying to beat children at games and sport – What am I supposed to do? Give them a participation trophy too? (+)

9.Staying silent during an argument – I’m only staying silent so that it doesn’t become an argument. (+)

10.Not being able to cook simple meals – Please. I’ve self-glossed myself “The Kitchen Renegade” because simple meals are too simple. But I can definitely do them. (+)

11.Re-telling the same silly jokes and stories when with the lads – It’s called friendship. If I’m not retelling a story with you, it’s because we have no stories memorable enough to revisit. (+)

12.Don’t like talking about themselves/ having proper conversations – Did I ever tell you about the time I learned a valuable life lesson? (-)

13.Hating books/reading because of short attention span/they’re boring – Do audio and comic books count? (-)

14.Doing crazy dance moves – A lack of grace doesn’t make them crazy. (-)

15.Mum still doing their washing – Only when I’m home for the holidays. She’s doing dad’s anyways. (-)

16.Having their Mum still make them breakfast/any meal – Maybe this isn’t clear. She’s 1,070 miles away. (-)

17.Wearing trainers to night clubs – I don’t know what trainers are. And I don’t go to nightclubs. I go to bars. (-)

18.Owning a skateboard or BMX – Skills I don’t have. (-)

19.Not eating vegetables – Ever heard of lettuce on a hamburger? (-)

20.Changing jobs regularly – If I get fired in the next year, I’ll change this to a plus. (-)

21.Getting too excited over stag do’s – I have no idea what this means. (-)

22.Sometimes trying to do wheelies/stunts on their bike – I assume this is what movies Death Wish through Death Wish V: The Face of Death were about. (-)

23.Driving a modified car or one with a loud exhaust/boy racer – Car costs too much as it is. (-)

24.Showing off about how girls are attracted to them – There’s a very important qualifier to being able to do that. (-)

25.Wearing pyjamas, specifically cartoon pyjamas – Superfluous clothing is not my bag. (-)

26.Using dodgy chat-up lines – I may be misinterpreting, but I think I love this. (+)

27.Showing off about protein shakes/weight-lifting/how much they ‘lift’ – Duh, and hello! I’m a man aren’t I? Could a non-man bench all this weight!? (+)

28.Littering – I won’t even joke about littering. Not cool. (-)

29.Wearing saggy-crotched jeans – “Uh, cause I need the clearance, bro.” (-)

30.Having a cartoon bedspread – Girlfriend picked the spread. (-)

Stunning performance here. Prior to going through the list, I’d have expected to be above .500. Only 9 out of 30. But if I’m being honest, I don’t see those 9 going anywhere soon.

Tally up your own and let me know where you’re at in the comments or on Facebook.

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3 responses to “Men Emotionally Mature 11 Years After Women. 30 Maturity Checks for Turning 30

  1. Trainers = Sneakers
    Stag do’s = Bachelor Parties (give yourself a +)
    Dodgy chat-up lines = douchey pick up lines

  2. Do I get a bonus point for knowing British Culture?

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