Monthly Archives: January 2016

Can I be a bandwagon Panthers fan?

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I’m a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan from Maryland. I catch heat for it every single year and have learned to just say “Yes, I’m from Texas.” Truth is my grandma force fed me Cowboys Starter Jackets, toys, footballs, etc etc etc to ensure that I wouldn’t pull for anyone else.

This blog post is not about me abandoning my beloved Cowboys. However, since I’m a 9+ year resident of North Carolina and have never really given the Panthers much love (and let’s be honest, you haven’t either regardless of how long you’ve lived here) how can you and I at least SEEM like a long time Panthers fan and join in on the fun.

  1. Remember, this is not your first Super Bowl. You’ve been here before and not that long ago actually. Super Bowl XXXVIII, 2003-2004 and lost to the Pats. Not bad for a franchise that’s only been around since 1995. SIDE NOTE: That is such a cluster of a Roman Numeral. So inefficient, no wonder their empire fe

    ll. SIDE NOTE II: That was the year Justin Timberlake showed Janet Jackson’s boobie on national TV.

  2. Know a player from the team pre-Cam Newton era. Here’s a list of common names you can pull and their respective positions:
    • Stephen Davis – RB (2000s) – He was a hoss, but the Redskins ran him hard prior to joining the Panthers and he ran outta steam.
    • John Kasay – K (1995-infinity) Yeah he still plays, but he’s the only original Panther from the 1995 expansion team.
    • Jake Delhomme – QB (90s-00’s) – 2 NFC Championships and a Superbowl appearance.
    • Julius Peppers – D-Line (2000’s) – a sack machine
    • Steve Smith Sr. – WR (forever) – possibly the most passionate football player ever to play the game. Well known for vomiting in trash cans on the field before games.
  3. Don’t be wishy-washy on Cam. Defend him passionately. You wouldn’t chant “USA USA USA” at a bar with strangers and then say, “Yeah that George Washington guy, he might be a good guy and good at what he does, but I’m not sure how I feel about him as a leader.”
  4. Say something about the Panthers history to show you’ve been a fan for at least greater than 1 year. Here’s a good one: “It’s crazy we barely made the playoffs last year at 7-9-1 and this year we dominated the whole season!”
  5. Be aware of who this guy is, but don’t be this guy.
  6. Don’t “dab.” Or maybe do dab. But if you’re painfully white, definitely don’t dab.

This is NOT how you dab.

This is the right way.

Super Bowl 50 (or Super Bowl L to the Romans) is Sunday, February 7th at 6:30pm. Until then, Keep Pounding, Ice Up Son and dab your way through the work week.

BONUS Fashion DON’T: Please, never wear sunglasses (err transition lens glasses?) like Ron Rivera

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BUY/SELL 2015 Edition (yes it’s late)

In an effort to keep you up to date on what to buy and what to sell as you wash your hands of 2015 and make your resolutions for 2015 we wanted to provide you our exhaustive list of what’s cool and what’s absolutely not. This started with me (Tommy, the good-looking one) sending my write-up to Dusty (also the good-looking one), to which he would add his flare, and boom, we’d post it sometime around December 30th (+/- 1 day). But as happens, work, life, fitness gets going and all of a sudden NYE is less of a landmark day, all out celebration and more of a “Can I even stay up until midnight?” (Spoiler, when you’re binge watching Making a Murderer, the answer is YES you can stay up until midnight), things can get swept under the rug.

So without further ado, here’s our list (which Dusty whole-heartedly agrees with). You still have 344 days to get your ish together (yay for the extra leap year day!).

BUY:

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber went from an unknown Canadian, to a teeny bopper phenom, to a kid quickly going the way of Macaulay Culkin. Quickly flipped it around and started dating a Victoria Secret model, collaborated with Skrillex for the #1 summer hit and recently released an album with so many bangers, it’s made everyone a Belieber. May have to sacrifice my man card, but I’m buying the Biebs.

 

Aziz Ansari

You might know him as the lovable, entrepreneur from Parks and Rec, Tom Haverford or maybe you’ve seen anyone of his stand up performances on Netflix. But did you know he’s continued his hot streak writing and producing the Netflix series Master of None? In a nutshell, he takes segments of his stand up routine and turns them into a 30 minute laugh fest of a show that always seem to teach us lesson. Not only are you buying, but you’re telling your friends to buy any chance you get.

Gourmet Donuts

You’re hungry just looking at this morsel.

As if you need an explanation. Once you’ve tried a locally made donut that’s not glazed (i.e. Maple Bacon, Creme Brulee, Fruity Pebble Topped) you’ll be like Dunkin Donuts? Never heard of her.

Adam Driver

He’s the over the top boyfriend from GIRLS, he plays a dark role in Star Wars. This dude has the most dynamic acting range of modern male actors, polar opposite opposite of Ryan Gosling. Oh and he’s a former Marine. Respect. Mad respect.

 

 

SELL:

“All the things…”

Like many Basic-isms overexaggerations (see: “I literally just slept for a millions hours,” “BEST. FROYO. EVER.” “#obsessed”), this one had its time in the sun and now needs to be SOLD. Common uses:

“Halloween time, eating all the candy.”

“Christmas time, watching all the movies.”

You get the point.

 

Whip and Nae Nae

No. Seriously, this is the worst.

RIP Superman

RIP Dougie

RIP Hit da QUAN

RIP Whip and Nae Nae (by now you see the trend).

Once a dance makes it to white people’s wedding and 4th graders are doing it at recess, a dance is no longer cool and needs to be SOLD.

Shout out to the Slides (Electric and Cha Cha), Cupid Shuffle and The Wobble for standing the test of time.

Regular Movie Theater Seating

Let’s be real here, traditional movie theater seating is uncomfy and you feel like you play the arm rest war all movie with a total stranger. Enter the new age theater seating. Leather, recliner, airline style tv tray. I mean now I can be comfy AND I don’t have to worry about where to rest my greasy bag o’ popcorn.