Category Archives: Entertainment

Lessons from Star Wars: The Last Jedi

I love the new Star Wars movies, but one question had been frustrating the heck out of me. If the Rebellion defeated the Empire in The Return of the Jedi, then what happened to turn them into the Resistance against the First Order? Why didn’t the victory stay victorious?

If you’re not a Star Wars fan and don’t know what I’m talking about (which seems impossible, but the galaxy is a vast and mysterious thing), the movies are a classical fiction construct, which is to say they are a display of the strange and the familiar. Very old ideas about right and wrong are presented through the prism of courageous androids, crystal critters and a mystical energy that connects all action in the universe. Yes, Chewbacca is a 200-year-old, 8-foot-tall, spaceship engineer/pilot that can’t speak and yet communicates perfectly, and he’s also the same thing as a useful dog. Stepping into the Star Wars stories is like eating a new seafood dish from your favorite chef. You have no idea what it’s going to taste like, but you’re certain that it will be close to what you love.

I watched The Last Jedi yesterday, and while I won’t spoil anything, I will say that it is fantastic. Some people dinged The Force Awakens for simply repackaging the exact same story beats George Lucas’s first film in the series, A New Hope.  To them, I say, “I know.” These movies are not saying anything new, and that’s the point. Maybe there is only one story, and Star Wars just happens to be our favorite version of it.


John Steinbeck, the author of many great novels, wrote this in East of Eden: “I believe that there is one story in the world, and only one…Humans are caught—in their lives, in their thoughts, in their hungers and ambitions, in their avarice and cruelty, and in their kindness and generosity too—in a net of good and evil…There is no other story. A man, after he has brushed off the dust and chips of his life, will have left only the hard, clean questions: Was it good or was it evil? Have I done well—or ill?”

It’s amazing how we as humans can complicate issues. The purpose of making decisions is to solve problems, but we like making problems more than we like solving them. Today, my wife will ask me what I want to do for lunch. She’s asking me to solve the problem of being hungry, and I will consider money, value, geographic distance, Yelp ratings, the NFL schedule and my personal opinions about her personal opinions. Then I will shrug and say, “What do you feel like?” A sensible approach to our problem of needing food to live would be to pick a perfectly healthy meal with the proper amount of calories considered for our mass and daily activity level, and eat that every day for the rest of our lives. No human would go for that, but why not? Because the problem isn’t that we’re hungry. The problem is that we’re human, and we’ll get hungry again.


In The Last Jedi, Rey and Kylo Ren represent the next generation of the light and dark sides of the force. Luke Skywalker trains them both at different times, and he teaches that the force is the connective essence between all things. He says, I’m paraphrasing, “To think that you own the force is vanity.” This is the essential difference between the dark side and the Jedi. The Sith Lords of the dark side use the force for selfish gain. The Jedi use the force to help others. But there’s always balance. Kylo Ren, Sith Lord, comes from the legendary bloodline of Skywalker and Solo and wields the dark side. Because he exists, the heroin Rey must come from nowhere to wield an equal power for light. Just like Yoda and the Emperor, Darth Maul and Obi One, Darth Vader and Luke, there is Kylo and Rey. The Star Wars rage forever.

The cynic says it’s a rehashed story. It’s a point Yoda would love. Right they are, and wrong they are. It’s a retold story, but it will never be tired. It was over two thousand years ago when Jesus of Nazareth told us, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” In the 1960s, Martin Luther King Jr. told us, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” In 2017, Star Wars tells us, “That’s how we’re going to win. Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love.” Star Wars story is retold because it’s a story that every generation has to tell. Because there will always be bad men, and because telling a story isn’t just about exposing evil men, it’s about providing hope. That’s why we have both news and art, because the problem is we’re human. There will always be bad things, and because they exist, a good thing must wield an equal power. Star Wars is here, with it’s fun and entertainment, to remind us that we can have hope in the world.


A few weeks ago, I read a book called Here I Am by Jonathan Safran For. It was excellent. In it, a character named Max Bloch watches his parents’ marriage crumble to a divorce. Max is Jewish. He’s also just a kid. It’s not until years later, long after his parents divorce, that he gives a speech at the “boy becomes a man” ceremony that is Bar Mitzvah, that he processes the meaning of it. He retells Genesis 32 in which Jacob wrestles an angel in demand of a blessing. Jacob wins, and God promises to make Jacob into a great nation. God renames Jacob to Israel, which translates to “wrestles with God.”

Then Max continues, “Jacob wrestled with God for the blessing. He wrestled with Esau for the blessing. He wrestled with Isaac for the blessing, with Laban for the blessing, and in each case he eventually prevailed. He wrestled because he recognized that the blessings were worth the struggle. He knew that you only get to keep what you refuse to let go of.”

Here’s another thing I kept thinking about during The Last Jedi: if they don’t keep making Star Wars movies, then what happens to Star Wars? As a story, it has a moral about good and bad. That moral still and always exists, but Star Wars itself exists as a story, and a story exists for the moral. If the moral of these new Star Wars movies is that the story of good versus evil is eternal, then doesn’t the most honest version of Star Wars have to be eternal? If the force always seeks balance, then the force must always exist.

Max Bloch explains further, “It’s easy to be close, but almost impossible to stay close. Think about friends. Think about hobbies. Even ideas. They’re close to us—sometimes so close we think they are a part of use—and then, at some point, they aren’t close anymore. They go away. Only one thing can keep something close over time: holding it there. Grappling with it. Wrestling it to the ground, as Jacob did with the angel, and refusing to let go. What we don’t wrestle, we let go go. Love isn’t the absence of struggle. Love is the struggle.”


The dark side will always exist. There will always be poverty and racism and Harvey Weinstein and the need for lunch, because humans always have the same problems again. That’s the way the world is. Franz Kafka said, “In the fight between you and the world, side with the world.” A man alone cannot beat the world. A lesson in Star Wars is that giving in to rage and hate is the quick path to power. If you love others, you never ascend to power. You give your power away. You don’t die, you just fade away. A man shouldn’t side with the world or conquer the world, he should fight it for his entire life because he loves it.

So, if the Rebellion defeated the Empire in The Return of the Jedi, what happened to turn them into the Resistance against the First Order? I’m not asking that question anymore. Asking that question would mean that I don’t understand Star Wars, and my friends, I understand Star Wars. It’s not about pointing out that Han Solo doesn’t know that a parsec is a measure of distance, it’s about believing that the Millennium Falcon can make the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. The good guys are the always on the bottom because anything worth having is something we must fight for. It’s something we wrestle with. The Empire is the First Order. Order is peace. The Rebellion is the Resistance. Love is struggle.

The Best thing to come from True Detective Season 2

Let me start by saying that I’ve legitimately enjoyed True Detective‘s second season. It’s kind of a moot point because I’ll watch anything with Rachel McAdams. I think we always knew this second season wasn’t going to be as good as the first, but it’s the usual flat-circle bullcrap when our human inability to perceive the fourth dimension of time has us sticking with a bad show because it might get better, and saying things like, “Season 1 started slow too.”

It hasn’t gotten better. It’s been slow, and mostly boring. Watching Vince Vaughn on Jimmy Fallon after 6 episodes of True D reminds you how neutered his personality is here.  Season 2 makes you miss Rust and Marty. One was smart, and the other was steady. Rust relapsed into drugs like it was the second coming of Christ, and Marty had an inexplicable knack for philandering in areas that should have been well beyond his service coverage. It’s sad that they’re not around anymore, but aren’t they always around, because now is happening at the same time as then? Rust always knew. He was smart. Marty’s just finding out, and it rocks him to his steady core.

Breaking Down the 80s – “Africa” Music Video by Toto

This is a bit of a narrative journey, but stay with me. It pays off IN SPADES! A couple days ago, I heard the song Africa while driving with my girlfriend. After I bored her with stories about the song’s greatness, I happenchanced upon this interview with the song’s writer. In that article, I watched music video, and I don’t mind telling you, it’s a masterpiece. So much goodness here:

0:01 – We fade in, spinning globe and a slow, percussive build. You know you’re in for something special. Wikipedia tells me that this video was directed by someone named Steve Barron (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!), but don’t be confused, this is some Terrance Malick imagery shit right here. Hope you’re paying attention.

Your Hero

0:21 – You’re hero is an obvious lover of knowledge. And is that a kerchief fashionably slung around his neck like a blue-collar ascot? You’re in. To recap, this is going to be a mind-bending safari thrill ride, and this guy’s got the keys to the jalopy. We’re all in.

Bespectacled Beauty

0:58 – Beautiful and bespectacled, our lady of the video aims a sultry gaze. At what, we can’t be certain. Is it the bearded peruser of books that’s captured her interest? Perhaps it’s dreams of the dark continent that is the song’s title? And maybe she’s just a lusty librarian—maybe a student, but her eyes betray more confidence than curiosity—feeling the emotions we feel as fans after getting our first look at Toto’s drummer, bell-shaker and pianist. She has to be a librarian, right? Turned on by that kind of musical acumen and range? Save the simple acoustic guitar on the quad for the students.

Shrunk Band

1:10 – An exhilarating drum bridge launches us into the chorus where, what in sweet 80’s heaven is going on? It appears that Toto is using the magic of film to shrink themselves down on some books about The Birthplace of Humanity. Hopefully this gets explained.

All The Books

1:21 – Are these all the books you have about Africa!? I’m questing with a torn piece of parchment that I have somehow fantastically tracked back to this very library! Give me more books about Africa! I’m questing!

Stranger Lurks

1:50 – A stranger lurks. Tension builds.

2:00 – “Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti” is some all-time lyrical genius.

Mustache Singer

2:20 – Not in a million years would I have imagined that mustache was the thing singing this chorus. Just, wow.

Goofy Uncle

2:32 – Is there any way that guy could be more dressed like your goofy uncle? Or how about that underachieving cousin of yours in the background? Those are rockstars, people.

Wristbands Piano

2:34 – Wristbands on a pianist. It’s practical. I get it. When Big Data finally brings advanced metrics to ivory tickling, you’ll see a correlation between wristbands worn and the lower numbers of keys missed. Also, that pianist wrote this song. Don’t judge an innovator.

Book Search

2:39 – These can’t be ALL the books you have about Africa, can it? Anything more obviously titled? Maybe hiding under a mystically miniaturized rock band?

Africa Book

3:10 – Yahtzee!!! And then, well, I won’t lie to you guys, things move quickly and get a little confusing…


….A spear crashes into the wall…

Glasses Ground

…the sexy librarian drops her glasses and is never seen again, and you’d feel pretty lost about what it all means except that our hero shows us the exact emotion to feel  about all this.

Emotion Face

A thousand words in that thousand-yard stare right there. Fear and excitement, he thrills at the unfolding of events, and thanks to him,  you feel all these things too.

Missing Page

3:32 – Ant then the book falls open. That’s it. The end of the rainbow. What’s it all mean? I’d like to think that our hero is putting together the very story of the legendary hunter who threw an opportune spear into an apparently arid and thus super-flammable library. But he wasn’t ready to reveal himself. Like the Africa of 1982 itself, there’s a romance to the unsolved mystery here. It’s best that way. Even when the promise of closure goes up in flames…

Burning Missing Piece

…Isn’t it best this way? You tell me, does this look like a guy who is unsatisfied with the way his adventure ended?

Lounge Book

Not at all. He had his great African walkabout, and while he’ll bask in this deep, life-altering moment a little while longer, he needs to get back to the states to raise his 13-year-old son, Zach Galifianakis, who’s in talks right now about fleshing this out in a movie called Kingdom of Desire: The Toto Story.

“Hurry, boy. It’s waiting there for you.”

Crying out in the night,
Dusty “Wild Dog” Riedesel

Controversial Opinion: Music Sucks!

In the audible diet of life, music is dessert. Sure you can live on dessert. There’s caloric value in it just like there are ideas in music, but the lean protein of information and experience is rarely there in the abundance needed for intellectual growth. The musical sugar toys with people’s mental glycogen to lift them up and down, addicting them. Maybe booze is a better analogy. How many people drink their coffee and listen to c-span or talk radio on their way to work, and then jam out to a brain-unplugging tune on their way to a post-work beer?

Never in the history of man have people had access to such an audible buffet. You could be reading The Sound and the Fury on your morning commute instead of listening to T-Swift shaking it off for the 37th time. And yet most people I know keep going to the chocolate fountain instead of the carvery. Your brain deserves better.

On a budget? Listen to podcasts. Ideally something that gives you counter-intuitive ways to look at the world. Comedians like Marc Maron and Pete Holmes have famous and interesting guests and have a habit of asking questions successful habits, beliefs about God, and the double-edge of relationships. You know what makes the Dos-Equis guy so interesting? Life experience. And you can be learning the pivotal life experiences of some of the world’s most interesting people while your pounding the treadmill to atone for last night’s Oreo’s.

Now, I like music. I listen to it while I write (Blues Traveler is playing right now), and I listen to it while I work out. Those are times I like to be a little raw and emotional and just let myself be manipulated by it. I love the way it controls the tone of movies and TV. Like sugar, the world would be bland without it. But it’s the opportunity cost of playing to our emotions instead of our minds that’s unsettling.

This thought came to me upon noticing a wild snapback in my mental dialogue in the car. I was listening to Slacker Radio (my first mistake), and “Colorblind” by Counting Crows came on. I found myself reminiscing on something I wrote once: “I thought we made minutes small to trick ourselves into thinking that life is long. But I think the real trick is that the minutia of time was built in cycles. Hours, days, weeks and seasons repeating in perpetuity so that the future always looks like a cul-de-sac instead of a dead end.” Only minutes later, “Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind was on, and I was thinking about the time me and three high-school buddies jammed out on air instruments in a Toyota Corolla. With no one around, the memory had me smiling ear-to-ear.

I like going to both of those thought spaces. I just don’t like the concept of something external shoving me there, commandeering my personal mental agency. I’d rather maintain an even emotional keel while learning about the (possibly crackpot) ideas of Deepak Chopra on the “reality sandwich” of material, quantum, and virtual aspects of the universe. That stuff kills at cocktail parties.

One last thing about music. Here’s the first Google image of the artists that are in the top 5 at Billboard right now.

Teenage girls love pure sugar.


Don-O-Mite trailer — MAD MEN meets Blaxploitation


Every now and then, the Internet does exactly what it was meant to do. This is one of those times. The final season of Mad Men is debuting this Sunday. Frankly, it’s the best written show I’ve ever watched, and I’m happy spank anyone who disagress like a 1950’s stepchild.

That said, if there’s ever been something recognizably missing in the show, it’s relation to the world-dominating Marvel Comics movie franchise. If there’s two things missing, it’s the world-dominating Marvel Comics movie franchise and black people. The gaping holes left by the absence of black men (and women) have been satirically and satisfactorily filled thanks to the Internet harkening back to the blaxploitation of the era Mad Men inhabits.

By the way, this is incredibly well done. Hat’s off to Leroy& Clarkson.

How I Met Your Mother Ends with a Perfect Non-Finale

The Series Finale of How I Met Your Mother is over. A lot of people are pissed:

And that’s funny. Most people were just haters. “Haters, would you just!…okay!?” The predominant gripe has been that this finale made the show all about Ted and Robin, that it should have been titled something like How I Met The Woman I Want To Be With Now That Your Mother Is Dead. While catchy, that’s wrong. This was a great finale because it stayed true to itself, just like all the characters did, especially Ted Mosby.

Stephen King compares the job of writer to that of an archaeologist. To summarize his viewpoint, a writer is trying to bring a preformed thing from obscurity to public attention. The analogy works even better from the vantage point of the consumer. An archaeological artifact is a small window into an entirely different time and civilization. It’s a fragment of a much larger world, and with few exceptions, that’s exactly the way stories let us look into their imaginative worlds.

208 episodes is a lot of time to spend with characters, but it all adds up to less than four days of real time. If you want this show to be true to real life, that’s an important fact to remember. A lot of life happens in these unwatched margins. Does it seem weird to you that the kids aren’t emotionally enraptured by how Ted met their mother? They’re teenagers who have been with Ted their whole life. They’ve heard the stories. They’ve seen him living alone, and they’re not shocked about the big reveal that their mother is dead. We’re all egocentric, so confusing the show and the story is simple, but the show was called How I Met Your Mother, not How I Met The Mother of My Children. We were always the show’s audience, but we were never the story’s audience. After waiting for 9 years, the word “Your” ended up being way more important than the word “Mother”.

Completion is the biggest fallacy pitched in most finales. Even the tightly-packaged Breaking Bad finale left us with some unanswered questions (What happens to Jesse? Did Hule ever leave that hotel room? Will Walt Jr. ever enjoy breakfast again?), and that was a show that told us it was a completed story. HIMYM was almost finished after a few seasons, revived, then dragged out all the way to season nine. It never had the luxury of being complete. Instead, the writers had to keep brushing away more dirt from the artifact. They had to keep showing you more and more of the fantasy world that these New Yorkers encompassed. And it was a fantasy, Barney alone proves that.

In the end, Ted probably did marry Robin (“The only way either of you are having sex with her is if you marry her.”) But the story we were actually being told was of the emotionally resilient Ted Mosby. Maybe we wished his life was even more fantasy because the real stuff isn’t as fun. We watched him fail. A lot. We watched him struggle to find himself by looking for completion in others. But we mostly just watched him keep on going. That’s what real people have to do. And in the final moments of the show, they took us back to the show’s one prevailing sentiment, the undying romanticism of a human soul (forever enshrined for Ted by a blue French horn). And honestly, to give that romanticism a complete finale would have been the biggest betrayal of the show’s true star.

“Love doesn’t make sense. You can’t logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we’re lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in.” – Ted Evelyn Mosby

Kanye and Kimmel Krush Twitter Beef, A Sad Day For All Of Us Regular People

I just posted a piece about the Kanye/Kimmel reconciliation on PolicyMic. The one thing that I didn’t get into is why I was so extremely disappointed that this beef didn’t get deeper.

Is there any profession that’s worse to get into a Twitter beef with than a rapper? Their whole profession is built upon words and wit, and they usually try to be self-aggrandizing which includes putting down their rivals. They’re trained on being quick with their quips and comebacks, and the thing about Twitter is that it actually takes off the restrictor plate because nothing needs to rhyme!

The only worse profession to Twitter beef with is a comedian. You’ll never be able to make more fun of the comedian than he is able to of himself. What are you going to say to Kimmel? That he’s fat? Stupid? Unathletic? Unpopular? Dresses funny? I wouldn’t know where to start, but I can almost guarantee he’s said all those things about himself. Even when they were making up last night, Kimmel said, “I was always getting beat up in high school.” These guys are egotistical Teflon. Maybe the only thing that could stick is to tell them they aren’t funny or that they’re unoriginal. But you’ll probably get a response like, “Don’t you dare compare me to Dane Cook!”

Anyway, check out the video and article here. I’m so depressed that this didn’t become a bigger feud.

Dreaming of the next interracial Twitter beef,
Dusty “I’m not talking about porn” Riedesel

The 6 Essential Break Up Songs From Guys Who Know Break Ups

One day, you might go through a break up. Make a mental note that this post is here to help you get through it.

Miley’s a real person.

Dusty: How do you judge the quality of a break-up? How grandly disastrous the split was? How great the relationship itself was? Not many people sit around saying, “Now that was a hell of a break up.” Everyone always focuses on what it was before the ending. And I’m no different. This tune, voiced gloriously by America’s slutty best friend, Miley Cyrus, showcases all the worst emotions of a trip to splitsville. When you think you’re actually on target with that magic, that space between, that indescribable something that makes two out of six billion feel as if there is a God and a plan and a purpose for everything that’s ever happened to lead you to this single existing counterpoint of your soul…well, when that goes to shit, you play this tune and feel sad. And somehow you feel better because Miley’s as sad as you are. I’ll just say this, you should feel pretty good if this song makes you feel all of those things, because no matter how grandly disastrous the split was, you know you were in love. And it was probably awesome.

PS. Bob Dylan wrote this. Never forget, Bob Dylan wrote every hit song ever recorded.

Your Hair is….

Tommy: Here’s the premise. Guy sees a note. He reads it over and again. He doesn’t comprehend anything in said note (because its not addressed to him). But he does recognize who signed it “I will love you always and forever.” Pause. Let that sink in. DAGGERRRRRRR! She’s cheating on him!

As guys, we know that much like dogs pee on things to mark their territory, a woman’s hair gets left everywhere. Shower, your clothes, pillows, etc etc etc. When Chris Carraba wines “Your hair is everywhere,” I think we can all relate.

Just let the bottle of Beast take you home.

Endings, right?

Dusty: I wrote a little bit about rebirth and hope being woven into the fabric of creation this weekend. Sunrise. New Year’s. Spring. Monday. Beginnings happen on a routine basis, but that means ends happen too, and people hate endings. I mean, how many damn sequels make up the summer blockbuster schedule? Better Call Saul is going to jump in to fill the Breaking Bad void. Hell, Joey was a real show. We always want more. We need continuity. But sometimes, you just have to accept that it’s done. Date her friend or her sister or whatever you need to do to feel whole, but it won’t be the same. Frankly, looking for continuity after a break-up is a fool’s game. Maybe you find someone like that person who dumped you, but if that’s what you’re looking for, then everything she does will be noticeably tainted by the ex’s character traits. It’s over when it’s over.

Yeah, it’s over.
Yeah, it’s over.

F*#% It, AmIRight?

Tommy: Judging by the 4.2 million views on YouTube people either really love coping with break ups to this song, or really just think its such a bad song that its actually good.

Every one deals with break ups a little differently. Eamon, this man believes in a clean cut. “She gone” if you will. I mean, he throws an entire NY style pizza off of the table in the video! Oh the angst!

We deliver the edited version here on WBB, because Moms may read this, but I encourage you to look up the unedited version – some of the lines are a real hoot.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I know every lyric to this song.  I just can’t figure out why he was a one-hit(ish) wonder?!

Am I the only one who think Eamon looks like a Hispanic Drake?

I need a Whitesnake jean jacket.


Dusty: ANTHEM! For my money, no song will ever touch Whitesnake’s ballad of solitude. It’s almost not about breaking up at all because it’s so convinced of its lonely place in this world. Like being in a relationship was a nice cruise in the Bahamas and it’s time to get back to work in your Carolina cubicle. But that’s not quite right. This song makes you feel cool to be alone again, a wayward soul untamable by modern expectations of domesticity. You want me to enjoy a nice dinner and conversation with your parents? I’d rather ride around in a classic muscle car with a tacky suit and unkempt hair until I meet a wry broad with an uncertain amount of sexual morality. Guess what, America? I’m a lone wolf, and I’m hungry.

Ok, Ok, I’m still and Emo Kid

Tommy:  Yep, I was an Emo Kid from 10th grade through college. I have pictures of the calico hair and girl jeans to prove it. Sometimes that overly sensitive, musical part of me resurfaces in this blog and I bring you songs like “Letdown” by This Providence. If you couldn’t see the video, you might wonder: A) Is this a guy or girl singing? B) If said singer is a guy, how tight are his skinny jeans for him to sing that high pitch? Regardless, after any break up, we all feel like a letdown in some respect. In this case, you’re a letdown and all your friends feel the same. Oh and, she never loved you anyway and she never will.

I wrote about the Spanish Version of Breaking Bad on PolicyMic. Go check it out.

breaking, bad, spanish, remake:, everything, we, know, about, metástasis,

Title pretty much explains this post. It’s a straightforward article, not Bareback in any way. I even resisted the urge to Google “Colombian racial stereotypes” as joke ammunition (mostly because the liberal and feminist readers of PolicyMic scare me). BUT, if you liked Breaking Bad, it’s interesting. You should read it. Here’s your link, and I’m going to resist making it something offensive.


Something’s wrong with me.


New Girl Recap: Are Schmidt’s Two-Timing Actions Defensible?

Due to the early stages of a recent relational tumble, I’m watching TV with a little more intensity than usual. This is how it effects the blog.


In last night’s New Girl, Schmidt saw his two-timing of Cece and Elizabeth explode in a pie-filling climax on his face. It wasn’t pretty. Even though Winston might have gone certifiably insane after discovering color-blindness, revealing a puzzle fetish, and stealing a cat in the wake of almost-GF Daisy’s size-15 dalliance, Schmidt is having the worst season ever. His extreme self-obsessed lifestyle—rooted in the fear of people thinking badly of him—has hurt nearly all the main characters of the show and centered him as the catalyst for the rest of the season as he vows to break up Nick and Jess. Though still light-hearted, Schmidt now seems like a legitimate villain. But the whole situation does raise some questions.

Will Schmidt and Cece get back together?

Write this statement with mithril-infused ink and print it on a slate of adamantium laced papyrus. Schmidt and Cece will date again. Even if Cece doesn’t consciously know that Schmidt is a good man who just hasn’t emotionally gown up, she’s inuited it. That’s what chicks do. He’ll grow up. He’ll get there. He definitely hasn’t given up. I’ll bet anything that Schmidt is scheming against Nick and Jess to remain a conversational centerpiece between Jess and her best friend, Cece.

How is Elizabeth versus Cece even a competition?

He loved them both, woop-dee-doo! Not all love is created equal, and it’s not like this is Baskin Robbins. It’s two options. It’s not like Elizabeth was cooler than Cece, so that shouldn’t be the issue. The initial slip to Elizabeth is understandable as she’s someone who adored Schmidt for just being himself. But Schmidt stuck with that slip until it was a free fall. He made the decision to abandon Elizabeth for hotter girls before. It should have happened even faster when you’re dealing with a hotter girl he loves.

Is Schmidt’s wrath towards Nick and Jess justified?

Here’s the thing with telling someone they’re getting cheated on, you’re exposing them to the exact thing that will hurt them. It’s like hitting someone with a hammer to protect them from getting hit with a hammer. What you don’t know rarely hurts you. There’s an argument that the STD’s from something you don’t know could hurt you, but that’s not an issue here. Schmidt is Jess and Nick’s friend too, and they really should have talked to him and leaned on him for a couple days until Schmidt came to a personal resolution first. Better for all involved.

Are Schmidt’s Two-Timing actions Defensible?

Nope. They really aren’t.

Will Winston be defending Nick and Jess’s relationship against Schmidt?

Winston always gets a good roll because that’s what happens to token black guys on TV, so he’ll probably defend love. But if this is realistic, single people just want everyone else to be single too.

What’s Ferguson the cat’s role in all of this?

He’s the lynchpin between loneliness and self-actualization, or something. Whatever. Ferguson matters. I just haven’t figured out why.

I’m pulling for you Schmidt,
Dusty “pulling for Nick more though” Riedesel