Regardless of who you are, any sane person can agree on some basic truths in this world. Murder is bad. Personal hygiene is good. Feet are disgusting. Especially the feet of men. Unlike women who take care of their tootsies with pedicures and nail polish and just overall care for what their feet look like, a male’s feet (like other parts our bodies) are purely for function, not beauty.
Fellas, where is it OK to bare your piggies? The beach, the pool and a backyard cookout. Where is it not OK? Everywhere that isn’t the beach or the pool or a backyard cookout. The end.
Working in the ever increasing casual office environment, where every day is “Casual Friday” I’ve seen way too many dudes taking advantage of this and rocking their flippy floppies daily. It’s like once there are 2 consecutive days of 75 degrees, guys are trading in their other acceptable forms of footwear for sandals for the remainder of summer. To be clear I’m mostly referring to flip flops in this post. If you’re asking “What about Teva’s? Are they OK?” then you’re issues will not be resolved by reading this post. Explaining why Teva’s are not acceptable, ever, in any situation would be an entire post all by itself.
All you dudes out there are shouting a collective “Why not?” Well for starters, no one wants to see your unkempt, calloused white feet and long-ass toenails. There’s no sand for you to bury them in or pool to dangle them in. As a result the rest of us who think your feet look like eagles’ talons that got caught in a mouse trap that was on fire, are subject to have to see them all day. It’s like having to look at someone all day with a booger dangling from their nose. It’s gross and no one wants to see it.
You look sloppy with flops on. Have you ever seen a dude wearing flip flops and thought to yourself “Man, that guy looks like a professional. He must be headed into work today”? No one’s ever looked at you in flops and thought that either. Sandals are intended to be worn in leisurely places where you freely spend your money, not where you’re grinding to make your money. Some simple math: If flops are for leisure and work is NOT leisure, then, flops are NOT for work.
Since Roman times, have you ever seen a grown man lead others while donning his toes in thong sandals? (Jimmy Buffet is not a correct answer. He’s on a whole new level of awful). Do you think George Washington was stomping out British in a pair of Rainbows? Maybe under the podium, Martin Luther King Jr. was freely wiggling his toes in a pair of sandals during his “I have a dream…” speech? It never crossed your dad’s or grandfather’s mind that they would bare their walkers in the office. Don’t disappoint pop-pop.
Leave the flops at home, Parrot Head.