My buddy sent me and a few friends this article entitled “The Scandal Bowl: Tar Heels Football, Academic Fraud, and Implicit Racism.” Even though the topic has been covered for years, I felt like maybe key individuals needed to be alerted to the subtle implications attached to this event. So I jumped into action.
First, as a friend, I replied directly to the one one guy on the email who was a UNC grad by saying, “So surprising from a university of such acclaimed academic rigor, amiright?”
Next, as a commited fan of Kansas University, I forwarded the article to Charlie Weis with the subject line, “what it takes to win FATBOY…” He hasn’t responded yet, but you can expect KU football recruits to get better for about three years before anyone catches on. Worth it.
Then, I forwarded the article to Mark Emmert (yep, CEO of the NCAA), with a subject line that said, “birds (=UNC athletes) of a feather (=seriously, check the bball program too).” So that should probably ensure the justice gets spread around.
I’ve also started the paperwork for background checks on everyone I know who graduated from UNC. Especially the individuals who seem interested in Afro-American studies.
Go Kansas. Go non-cheating Midwestern values. Go future cheating Midwestern values.
Finally, I’m going to send an email to Roy Williams on behalf of Bill Self that we think he’d make a great “outside consultant” to the Kansas staff. Subject line will be, “we still love you too, Roy…” with the purposeful ellipses leading him to open the email and see the opening compensation for outside consultants as “Your own sense of self-worth, and perhaps a good lead on a twilight job at a school like SMU.”
Dishing out justice like a man,
Dusty “The E-Male” Riedesel