Much like the words “literally” and “ironic” I’ve found the word “hipster” to be an overused and inaccurately pinned word. Much like the former 2 words, it seems people don’t generally understand that it makes no sense to use the word “literally” followed by some exaggerated statement; “I literally at like 100 hot dogs on Memorial Day.” Or when someone uses “ironic” in place of “coincidence” like their interchangeable words. Sorry, you’re not Eli Whitney.
So too is the word “hipster.” Just because something/someone is slightly different or trendy doesn’t make it/them a hipster. Now you’re wondering, “Am I a hipster?” I’ve put together a 10 question quiz below for you. Answer honestly. At the end, total all of your points (answers numbered 1-4) to see just how hip you really are.
Question 1: It’s your turn at the bar. The bartender asks “What can I get you?” you reply:
- Bud Light
- Jack and Diet Coke
- Do you have any local microbrews?
- PBR. Tall Boy.
Question 2: Your plans for this weekend are?
- Rager. Hangover. White boy wasted.
- Hosting a “Beers from Around the Globe” party
- Checking out a new art gallery and shopping at the farmer’s market
Question 3: What is your primary means of transportation?
- Pick-up truck
- Fixie (if you don’t know what this is, don’t Bing it, just choose 1, 2 or 3).
Question 4: How would you describe the pants you’re wearing today?
- Shorts. I always wear shorts.
- Pleated khakis
- Not sure, my wife/girlfriend bought me these
- Skinny jeans. But definitely long enough to cuff
Question 5: In your closet right now you have ___ plaid shirts?
- Does a polo shirt count?
Question 6: Are you going to see the Black Keys on tour this summer?
- I LOVE the Black Eyed Peas!
- Is it part of the Country Mega Ticket? No? Then, no.
- Yeah I’ll go. It’s gonna suck sitting in the lawn when I saw them in the pit at Bonnaroo TWO YEARS AGO. They were so much better then.
- No. As far as I’m concerned, they’re way too commercial. El Camino might as well have been written by Nickelback.
Question 7: My current mobile phone is a _______.
- Flip phone…but its got a QWERTY keyboard!
- iPhone 4 (or lower)
- iPhone 5
Question 8: What is your go-to Instagram filter?
- What the hell is an Instant Gram? I don’t do drugs.
Question 9: When the sun is shining bright you always reach for your _____.
- Ray-Ban wayferers
Question 10: Summer is coming, what type of pants/shorts will you be rocking?
- Budweiser swim trunks. Can’t go wrong there. (If you truly choose 1, please see this link for help)
- The shortest coral shorts I can buy from J.Crew
- Well-fitted khaki shorts.
- Cut-off skinny jeans, that I cut into shorts myself.
Now based on your selections, add up your point totals…(drum rolllllllllllll)
If you totaled:
10-17 – My my, how the roles have reversed. You used to be the cool jock/homecoming queen scoring all of the attention from the opposite sex. Now you lack any culture, sense of style or music and that skinny jeans, plaid shirt wearing hipster is getting all the love. It’s ok though, you’ll still be a shining star at frat parties and Kenny Chesney concerts!
18-25 – You’re in luck! You have some sense of fashion OR irony OR culture; but you don’t have it all. You probably have no idea what a vlog is, or have probably never eating a vegan chicken nugget (OMG so GOOOODDD) In some social settings you have idea of what is cool and trendy, but your grandma and her retirement home, bridge-playing friends think anything post WWII is “the trendy thing the kids are getting into these days.” Embrace the part of you that’s hip, and work hard “hipping” up the rest (but don’t try too hard because that’s just not cool).
26-33 – In most situations people are probably going to call you a hipster. You’re never seen without a pair of skinny jeans, a plaid shirt, an ironic (not really ironic anymore) mustache while sipping on 24oz of the Blue Ribbon. Hell you might even blog about music, style and what makes a hipster. But something’s missing. You’re just not as plugged into the hipster social and music scene like you should be. Your more hipster friends will accept you and celebrate when you’re around. But when you’re not, they’ll secretly scoff at the fact that you don’t own a fixie all while they Instagram pictures of their 100% local grown and raised organic meal with a kick-ass Nashville filter.
33-40 – You’ve done it. You’re hip. You and your friends were hipsters before being a hipster was the hip thing to do. What others call skinny jeans you call jeans. What the general public calls “a new CD” you call a “viynl.” You always know what’s going on downtown and if it involves art or local food, you can bet you’ll be riding your fixed gear bike to that event and judging the hell out of everyone there who DARES to show up without a proper fitting cardigan or blazer. But you didn’t need some test to tell you that. In fact, if you scored >33 you probably stopped reading at the title (because reading blogs is so 2012). So these last 60 words or so are probably a waste of space.