Tag Archives: Duke

Comparing Duke Basketball Players to Flopping Goats

It has become so popular to hate Duke that it’s almost not cool anymore, kind of how liking Mumford & Sons is getting a wee bit dicey but within the slower shifting zeitgeist of sports-oriented hipsterdom. The key word here is almost. As it is with anything popular that’s becoming passé, the key to sustaining the popularity of the topic isn’t changing anything, it’s about creating a fresh take on the exact same things that made it popular in the first place.

So what’s popular about hating Duke?

The video above says it all. In a sport that is routinely dominated by the largest, most athletic men on planet Earth, Duke has a reputation (it doesn’t matter if it’s inherently untrue) for recruiting brains over bodies. No gladiators on this squad.  No matter how much they slap the floor, we see through it. They’re softies. Only Duke routinely stars guys like Scheyer, Reddick, Hurley, Curry, Battier and anyone else who could just as easily be mistaken for a procurement manager or an internal auditor as opposed to world-class baller. I’m digressing from the point though. We hate Duke, and it’s funny to comparing their flopping ways to falling goats. Spread it around.

Thank you to the proud Tar Heel, Bradley Jones, for bringing this video to Writing Bareback’s attention.

DR

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Duke vs UNC – KU vs Baylor: Running Diary


My first running diary, and I’m stoked about it. ESPN is finishing their top ten duos (pretty disappointed in the order actually, but that’s neither here nor there). I’ve got Queso Dip, Coca-Cola, Mint Grizzly and Oreos…I’m pretty sure that’s what the movie The Right Stuff was about. My main focus tonight is KU vs Baylor, but Duke vs UNC is my favorite regular season game that doesn’t involve a mythical bird, so tonight is simply a smorgasbord of roundball pleasure.

7:02 – John Sciambi and Fran Fraschilla with starting line-ups…Brady Heslip for Baylor looks like he probably got a daily wedgie in middle school. Probably good for rectal fortitude.

7:04 – Lob to Perry Jones for a dunk. Nothing like kicking it off with a kick in the face. I’m worried about Jones tonight. He was tough in the first game before he twisted his ankle.

7:06 – Baylor’s up 7-0. Self calling a time-out. That dunk is feeling more like a kick in the nuts (you know, cause of the lingering effects). If the Mizzou game taught KU anything, it’s that we can’t wait an entire half to start getting it to Thomas Robinson

7:08 – Robinson turns it over. I wonder if I could kick my own nuts.

7:09 – Tyshawn Taylor hits the three to bring it to 5-7. Taylor is having a great season. It took nearly 4 years, but it feels like he might finally be grown up. Nerves starts is subsiding…looks like we’ll be able to settle in now.

7:14 – The advantage of being a gangly, 7-foot white guy like Jeff Withey is that you have such little control of your limbs that refs always assume you’re getting fouled. Whithey drains them both. Naturally.

7:17 – Fraschilla points out KU’s anemic bench. I hate when commentators do this to my teams. It’s like a girlfriend telling you that you need to workout. Like I don’t already know.

7:21 – Second TV timeout. I’m wondering how much jersey color gives you an edge in recruiting. Baylor is yellow. I’m a white guy, and I know that yellow isn’t going to look good against my pale arms (just one of the reasons I didn’t play at Baylor). And, frankly, those jerseys are just plain ugly. UK, KU, UNC, Duke, and UCLA are all a shade of blue, yellow’s contrast on the ROY G BIV spectrum. Just saying…

7:27 – My girlfriend texts me to let me know that final Jeopardy is “Comic Books”. I switch over and crush the answer with TinTin (don’t screw with me on comic books, cause I’m white and nerdy). I switch back to see Heslip has checked into the game and looks terrible in that yellow jersey. Connor Tehan is glad he’s a Jayhawk.

7:30 – The GF texts back with “Boom. Well done young Dustin.” I feel good tonight.

7:31 – Jayhawks are down 22-13. I’m not worried. I have Jeopardy karma

7:34 – Tehan and Heslip collide in a scramble for the ball. Coin-toss call goes against Heslip. He just doesn’t look like he deserves a call in that cowardly, yellow jersey.

7:35 – My friend Daniel Drury hits me with a Facebook smear by saying Bill Self has an adolescent mind (even worse, he says that Self and Coach K are equal in physical appearance). I make a mental note to send him a well-developed rebuttal with both statistical and anecdotal evidence of his ignorance via email at a later date.

7:40 – Fraschilla called Baylor’s jerseys “gold”…the man is a master of euphemism. I tip my hat to him…KU is down 22-27 with 4 minutes left….make that 22-29, and we’re at the TV timeout, still waiting for that Jeopardy karma to kick in. I vow to shout Trebek’s name when KU takes their first lead.

7:48 – KU closes the game to 28-30 with a Connor Tehan three-pointer. Scott Drew wears his gold tie nervously. I feel a primal cry bubbling in my throat.

7:50 – Withey lay-up ties the game. I’m humming to warm up my throat.

7:51 – Tommy Cooksey texts me to let me know we had our highest number of visits ever on Writing Bareback. I feel good tonight. Jeopardy Karma….Baylor turnover…Humming…

7:52 – TTTRRRRREEEEEEEEBBBEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! A Connor Tehan three!!!! And we’re taking that into the locker room. Maybe Brady Heslip was the better white guy in high school. I don’t know, but Tehan and Withey chose to attend schools with blue jerseys, and they’re the reasons the Jayhawks are winning. I’m just saying…

7:54 – Halftime. Taking a break and heating up the queso.

8:17 – I’m late getting my hands back on the keyboard because I had to clean my cheese-encrusted face. There’s 16:38 left and KU has just gone up 11 after a Thomas Robinson free throw. I wonder what Alex Trebek’s fan-mail address is.

8:19 – Watching a slow-mo of a Quincy Miller cheap shot on Whithey. Honestly, I don’t blame him. Withey has been unstoppable tonight (did I just write that?). Might as well go 89 Pistons on him. It’s a flagrant. Withey makes one of two, and Taylor sinks a 3 on the ensuing possession! KU by 15!

8:22 – Taylor with another 3! I think about a snarky text to Daniel Drury. I resist so I don’t ruin my Jeopardy karma. Trebek hates arrogance.

8:25 – Joseph A. Bank show’s a commercial for a “buy two get third free” sale. I make a mental note to go tomorrow. Sales like that don’t happen every month at Joe Bank’s.

8:30 – Tehan turns it over to himself for a layup. Weird play. Puts the Jayhawks up by 20. Originally that “Jeopardy karma” thing was a joke, but maybe there’s something to it…

8:36 – ESPN gives an update of Syracuse vs Georgetown. It’s close. The competitiveness is more enticing than a Taco Bell sign on a drunk Friday night….I stay disciplined with the Jayhawks. No disrupting our team’s mojo right now.

8:40 – KU is playing with a lineup of Taylor, Tehan Kevin Young, Justin Wesley and Elijah Johnson. We don’t look good. This must be what it’s like to root for a Conference USA team. I put a pinch of Grizzly in to pacify myself…..feeling ready for the Tobacco Road showdown…

8:45 – I can’t help it. I flip to the Syracue-Georgetown game. The crowd is still cheering on this channel. Feels good. Syracuse is up 55-51….ugh, I hate that Orange zone. Brings me back to 2003, the last time Roy Williams coached KU…you know, this is a nice transition moment.

8:49 – shot of Derrick Coleman in the crowd. I’ll take underachievers for $800, Alex.

8:53 – Back to KU-Baylor. Fran’s talking POY and puts Thomas Robinson at the top. Anthony Davis wears UK blue, but he’s in a weird spot for the award because his team is so talented and he’s only a freshman. Doug McDermott gets an honorable mention. He’s a white guy at Creighton, a team with blue jerseys. I’m just saying…

8:56 – KU’s up by 16 with two minutes to go. Impressive game by the Jayhawks. I’m putting this one in the books and flipping back to my transition game.

8:57 – YOWZER!!! It’s 55-55 and we’ve got OT! Musberger and Bobby Knight are announcing. They’re my favorite tandem. Two old guys that legitimately seem to like each other. FYI, KU beat Georgetown this year. Feels like it’s worth mentioning that.

8:58 – Bobby Knight says “How about our boy Withey at Kansas?” The General knows his stuff.

9:01 – Sims grabs an offensive board for Georgetown and gets fouled on the put back attempt. Georgetown is down two with 2:55 left. Sims has been battling for all two minutes I’ve watched. I like him. Hits his throws and ties it up.

9:04 – Syracuse’s Waiters is at the line shooting two with a chance to tie it up…I’ve got a bad feeling that this is going to double OT. Big East games have a tendency of doing this. Yep, he tied it up. Timeout with a minute left. I know my Raleighnian brethren can’t be happy about this overtime business. I love it!

9:09 – Kris Joseph with a three for Syracuse! 29 points on the night! Timeout Georgetown with 20 seconds left! We might get out of this yet….

9:11 – Sub-confusion with Hollis Thompson. Nothing was going to go smoothly at this time.

9:12 – Turnover! Not even a shot! Great game though. Looks like we’re going to Chapel Hill. I’m ready. Syracuse won and KU won. Not good for Roy’s karma….

9:14 – Sure enough. Duke’s off to a hot start, up 7-3. How worried can a UNC fan be though? Who really trusts the Plumlees to be good enough against UNC’s front line? Seriously. It’s the Plumlees.

9:16 – Austin Rivers for three, has 8 points. I don’t like it. I’m making the “ARPF” noise in my mind every time he touches it (via Mark Titus, for those who don’t know, “ARPF” sounds like a seal’s bark and stands for “Austin Rivers Punchable Face”).

9:20 – Dickie V and Jay Bilas? Somehow I think that Duke grad Jay Bilas is the least biased guy in that duo….Duke’s up 15-7. Looks like their 3-ball is going to be trouble tonight.

9:25 – Kendall Marshall for 3!…oops, Curry answered. It’s 23-17, and I’m worrying about the game’s pace versus my live journaling…It’s going to be a gutsy performance from yours truly this evening.

9:28 – Henson hits a jumper and Dukie V give us a zinging, “But you put Henson on the free throw line and it’s a nightmare. A flat-out nightmare!” I know my hair’s thinning, honey! Geez

9:34 – Tyler Zeller has 15 points. I might be regretting my Scott Pollard comparisons from the “not pro-UNC, just anti-Duke” article yesterday. He looks good….And Bilas is complimenting him. Well, I won’t apologize to Zeller fans for at least 3 years. We’ll see.

9:37 – cutaway to Wake Forest getting pounded by Virginia. Where have you gone Tim Duncan?

9:39 – Carolina looks great on the boards! They didn’t convert but got 4 offensive boards. This game will turn for them if Duke can’t stop the bleeding on the glass.

9:41 – Duke looks great from 3! They’re hitting everything. This game won’t turn if UNC can’t stop the bleeding from beyond the arc…(I’d be a great announcer!)

9:42 – Zeller! ZELLER!! Striking a blow for under-appreciated big brothers everywhere. You’re welcome, Peyton!

9:47 – 2-point game after Henson free throws. Turnover Duke! Uh oh. I’m feeling something creeping up the in ol’ throat…

9:48 – Just a tickle. Dawkins fouled on a three…..wait, what’s this? Desmond Hubert!?!? Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?

9:52 – Our announcing crew throws it to Erin Andrews for a truly worthless 5 seconds of television. Why hire Erin Andrews if she’s only going to do a voiceover?

9:56 – Tied up at 39 apiece. Odd foul with ARPF flopping around like the seal he’s now related to in my mind. Ridiculous call. Rivers goes one for two and I start warming up the throat…

9:57 – TRRREEEbek…just wasn’t feeling it on a free-throw go-ahead.

9:58 – Zeller block! Transition buzzer-beating layup! I’m feeling it now! TTTRREEEEEEEEEEBBBEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!!!!! Great first half!

10:17 – We’re back, and I’d like to welcome Harrison Barnes to the game. Nice of him to make it.

10:19 – Kendall Marshal with a sweet And 1! I feel like UNC becomes unbeatable when Marshal is a threat to score. I like his game. Does the most with the least of all the guys on the floor….UNC stretches the spurt and suddenly it’s 54-44, Chapel Hill.

10:20 – Old Spice just keeps evolving with their commercials. The current pitchman is bigger, blacker and weirder than that last guy on the horse. I like it right now, but I’m really afraid that soon I’ll be watching Greg Oden sexting a bar of Old Spice…it just feels like it’s going that direction.

10:27 – I notice that Rivers is the only player on the court wearing an arm sleeve. This would probably be a different game if his elbow was healthy. In related news, UNC is up 13 after a Barnes 3.

10:30 – Barnes and Rivers are going back-and-forth. I’ll go ahead and give my one compliment to Rivers. The guy is definitely not scared of “alpha” status on his team. That means something. Not enough to win this game, but something (Editor’s note: Dustin had no idea how stupid he’d look for that statement…he’s been advised to respect “alpha” status more in the future.)

10:33 – Bilas quotes Coach K on versatile swingmen being “like a queen on the chessboard.” I like it, and I’m putting it in my mental vault for safekeeping.

10:35 – Those Safe House commercials depress me. Why don’t we have any movies about CIA operatives that consistently grind out their 9-5 for 40 years and happily retire with benefits. That’d be way more comforting than my current belief that the weight of the country’s secrets eventually turns Americans evil. Sigh…

10:39 – Interesting plot point in the game. Duke just got into the bonus with over 11 minutes left. That could be a major factor in this game’s outcome and my sleep…I crack open a Diet Coke. A boy becomes a man when a man is needed – Bruce Hensley, head coach at Greenwood High in Indiana

10:43 – Dickie V calls for Zeller. They go to Zeller. Zeller delivers. I got ya, Peyton. It’s a good thing, because this UNC lead feels a bit unsteady.

10:48 – This Project X movie looks entertaining. I’ll bet midgets win 97% of their fights in movies. Are we just not ready to see a feisty little person get worked over? I’m honestly not, but I figured it’s worth asking.

10:50 – Dickie V shares a conversation with Doc Rivers about Austin. Dick thinks Austin’s going to stay in school. It’d be a good idea. He needs another year to subdue media scrutiny as much as anything else. After the past stories involving Austin-Lebron and Austin-Kobe (not to mention tweets from Austin like “C’mon Celts! Hey Dad, put me in! jk”), I think NBA players would want to eat this kid alive.

10:55 – Great exchange ends in a thunderous McAdoo dunk! McNasty! This game was becoming tedious with foul shooting. Kind of tough to watch with two powerful offenses like this. There’s 5 minutes left and the Heels are up by 11. If Duke’s going to make a move, it better happen soon.

11:03 – Barnes hit’s a big shot to keep UNC up by 10 with 2:30 left. I don’t think Duke has enough in the tank to topple this level of talent. That’s probably going to be the defining statement for their season. A good team that isn’t great.

11:06 – I might have jinxed it! A Duke steal, Duke 3, Barnes charge, Duke J makes it a 2-point game with a minute left. Hold on to your butts! – Samuel L never gets enough love for his role in Jurassic Park

11:09 – Timeout by K. They replay a travel that led to the momentum shifting three after Duke’s steal. Hey, bad officiating happens (ask Thomas Robinson about the end of that Mizzou game), but that was ridiculous. UNC has a 3-point lead and time to answer. It’s still an advantageous position to be in, all things considered.

11:10 – WHAT!? Deflected in is a three!?….No. Just a two. Good golly! Put a lump in my throat….Zeller just can’t miss tonight. Hope that’s true cause he’s at the charity stripe…1 for 2.

11:13 – OH MY GOODNESS!!!! RIVERS! What was Zeller doing!?!? I’m going to have to digest this thing…

11:15 – Duke vs UNC. It never disappoints does it? Well-played, ARPF.  29 points…probably didn’t need that dismissive “I said best day of my life, not best game.” Ugh…

Hope you guys enjoyed the first running diary…it was 4 hours of fun for me. To my KU and Duke friends, sleep easy. To my UNC friends, I’m so sorry.

DR

I’m not pro-UNC, I’m just anti-Duke

There are plenty of people that have a better handle on the Duke vs UNC battle, but as a promise to my friend Harrison (a man who’s rabid UNC fansmanship far outweighs his fantasy bball skills), I will put out an anti-Duke article. As with most of my articles, this is more about me than anything else, which is why the first reason I hate duke is…

I’m a Kansas fan. Rock Chalk Jayhawk and all that jazz. While all great programs have a hate-respect relationship, it always got under my nerves that people think Cameron Indoor is the premier venue in college basketball. It’s Allen Fieldhouse. From Duke grad and reigning honcho of the college game, Jay Bilas, in regards to Allen Fieldhouse, “I thought the atmosphere was unbelievable. I’ve been here before, but it’s just such an unbelievable place. It has such character. I can’t say I’ve ever been in a better arena.” FYI, that was in 2005. He said it again in the 2012 matchup versus Baylor.

Duke fans have a natural bandwagon element to them, and you can especially feel it when you’re in North Carolina. For people in NC who were born in my time (mid-80s), you were born beside two great programs that bore your state’s name on the chest of the jersey. How do you end up a fan of the private school that imports their student body and most of their fan base? Other top programs are proud representatives of their states: Kansas, Kentucky, North Carolina, Indiana, etc, and you don’t hear many people outside of birthplace/home/family connection that cite them as their favorite team. Having no state affiliation actually makes people feel like it’s safe for them to be Duke fans, but truth is, they’re bandwagon fans. The worst thing in sports. Bandwagon fans betrays the purity of any sport’s success. Try to ask someone why they’re a Duke fan. The answer always disappoints you. Here’s what I’ve heard.

  • How could you not root for hard-working white guys (valid, but too racist)
  • My dad was a Duke fan (shame on him for his bandwagoniness)
  • They just play good basketball (so are you a fan of all top 25 teams? This makes you a bandwagon fan, not a purist)
  • I went to Duke (arrogant prick)

Duke always seems to have an easy-to-hate player. I’ve always dreamed of handing out the annual “Douche Blue Devil Award”. Past winners include Josh McRoberts, JJ Redick (3x winner) and Carlos Boozer (after reading Five Point Play, I’m convinced that Coach K didn’t even like Boozer). This year it’s Austin Rivers. Most people know about how punchable his face is (second paragraph in the “Overrated Team – Duke” section…also, when referring to Austin Rivers’ Punchable Face, it is to be spelled “ARPF” and pronounced like the noise a seal makes. I consider this to be Mark Titus’ greatest contribution to college basketball this season), but how about his general opinion of himself? Start reading from the 3rd paragraph of this article, unless you’re Anthony Davis because you’ll only get pissed off. If Grant Hill was Duke’s star player every year, I’d probably be a Duke fan. Too bad he’s not.

I don’t have a whole lot of time tonight, so I won’t drone on any longer. Tomorrow (I wrote this the day before you read it), I’m pulling for UNC. I’ll root for Roy like I did in the 90s…I might even get carried away and yell, “Atta boy, Pollard!” when Tyler Zeller does anything (sorry UNC fans, but when it comes down to final results, Tyler Zeller is Scott Pollard – a 19th overall pick with a ten-year NBA career as a serviceable big…and really, that shouldn’t be frowned on).

And the Plumlee’s just aren’t very cool.

DR