It’s official, gang. America’s lost the title of world’s fattest nation. Sad news, really. We’re slipping all over. There was a time when we won the most gold medals, made the most money and had the fattest people. Well, it’s not your grandpa’s USA anymore. Mexico is now the world’s fattest nation. Let’s not get mired in damn negativity though. Here’s some silver linings:
This is a big win for those opposed to illegal immigration. I mean, I’ve never jumped any borders, but the physics of it all make this simple. How many 300-pounders can fit in the back of a van? Climb a fence? Swimmers are traditionally lean.
This is a big win for all those in favor of illegal immigration. Nothing makes an illegal immigrant work harder than knowing he needs to stuff twice the money down his family’s throats back home. This could have a positive grassroots ripple in the American economy for the management teams that can harness it.
We have one more reason to hate vegans. Just about everything is a reason to hate vegans. The only thing American vegans hate more than meat is their fellow Americans. The sole purpose of the vegan diet is for the practitioner to be able to bring it up whenever possible to show that they’re better than you. They’ll brag about this, mark my words. They’re relishing in the fact that the country has become statistically closer to their own weak, frail forms.
This won’t last long. I have it on good authority that the return of the Twinkie can make up the 0.8% differential in obese population. Has any food outside of Manna from heaven that has been so crucial for a nation?
Eating Taco Bell for lunch,
Dusty “The American Dream” Riedesel