Mostly to get myself hyped for the month ahead, I’m going to be doing a “What to be excited about this month” post to kick off each month. In essential blogging fashion, I will limit this to broad topics like sports, movies and TV and not the things I’ll personally be looking forward to like what Celtic garb I don on St. Paddy’s Day (I still haven’t decided!!!). Here you go:
Sports: March Madness
Kicking off on March 21st, this is undoubtedly the most beloved sporting event of the year for both quality, quantity and variety. There are blowouts and nailbiters and infuriating coverage issues from CBS. It’s like a free buffet of Ruth’s Chris filets, McDonald’s French Fries, some KFC Double Downs and a giant tub of JELLO, and the entire buffet is maintained for your visiting pleasure by a wealthy car dealership owner because the the experienced, buffet-running Asians down the street didn’t have the capital to support a buffet of such grand corporate magnitude. If that analogy doesn’t perfectly explain why they call it March Madness, nothing will.
How excited should you be for this? If you love watching 19-year-olds carry greater expectations with lower risks and higher rewards than their military peers against the dramatic backdrop of the thrill of victory juxtaposed against the pain of defeat with no run-on sentences involved, then this is your shining moment:
Movie: GI Joe: Retaliation
So maybe I did briefly consider the rom-com Mega Powers of Paul Rudd and Tina Fey in Admission, and I certainly considered trying to look cool by taking the snobby “I haven’t seen this but I know it would be an awesome short film” choice of Upside Down. But this was really a two-horse race. Every fiber of my being wanted to say you should be most excited for Olympus Has Fallen. It has a killer cast that appears to have pulled every string in Hollywood to place Gerard Butler into the John McClane roll of a “Die Hard meets Air Force One” plot. There’s only two problems with OHF. The first is that their opening weekend is metaphorically competing with the sporting equivalent of the world’s best buffet. If this movie opened on March 28th like GI Joe: Retaliation, I almost would have taken it. I still would have taken GI Joe because it has Duane “The Rock” Johnson, and in case you didn’t notice, Duane Johnson is Reaganing in 2013.
How excited should you be for this? If you like 2012’s sexiest man, the guy who used to play the real John McClane (there’s a reason A Good Day to Die Hard wasn’t in the running), cliff-side sword fights between repelling ninjas and the first film of overblown badassery that leads into the summer blockbusters, then you should be this excited (but bigger):
Television: Game of Thrones
Even with all the schedule-clearing hype behind ABC’s Celebrity Diving, nothing was going to compete with the season 3 premiere of Game of Thrones. Last season left us with a hoard of undead ice zombies trudging towards Winterfell. This show is so close to being The Lord of the Rings meets The Walking Dead. I fully expect Jon Snow, Jamie Lannister and Khal Drogo, mysteriously revived as a White Walker with a clear mind, to go on a noble lost cause of coming to the age of the hobbit-like Tyrrion Lannister. I don’t care how many people who’ve read the books can tell me my expectations are too high, I don’t live in the bleak world of Westeros, and I’m optimistic about zombie-slaying Hobbits.
How excited should you be? If you feel like the sage wisdom below applies to you personally, then maybe not very excited:
Music: The 20/20 Experience
I’d like to apologize for this paragraph in advance. As you can tell by the March 8th posting date, I obviously forgot to write this post, let alone inform Tommy that I’d need him to write a music section. So my friend Google told me that this is the most hyped album of March 2013. Apparently it has sounds and a Wikipedia page. When asked about why he was making a music album when simply existing as a famous person is so much easier, Timberlake said, “Well, I’m married now, and I’d really like to be faithful for, like, between 32 and 47 months depending on Jess’s first pregnancy, so I wanted to do the thing that would most likely carry me out of our residential area code, and touring for a new album seemed like the best thing.” When asked to elaborate, JT seemed confused. “It’s not cheating if you’re not in the same area code, right? That’s still a thing, right?”
How excited should you be for this? If you believe that a married, acting, former singer should have just waited to record an acoustic N’SYNC reunion set, then you should be this excited:
Miscellaneous: CrossFit Games
[photo from Sua Sponte Raleigh]
March is the last window to be hip about the craze. The national CrossFit games are getting bigger every year, and after this years CrossFit open, which kicked off its regional qualifiers this week, you can just call it mainstream. If you see a fit girl this month, do your best to be working “You do CrossFit?” into the conversation. A) It’s a compliment that doesn’t yet have the stigma of saying “you must work out” even though it’s the same thing. B) CrossFit is one of the most innuendo-filled activities one can participate in. Things you can commonly hear amongst CrossFitters range from “we’re doing Cindy in the box today” to “how’s your snatch?” It’s all innocent in a physically-oriented, high testosterone kind of way.
How excited should you be for this? It depends on how pumped you get for stuff like this:
Hotter than the sand and bigger than the ocean,
Dusty “Beach Body” Riedesel