Tag Archives: Kobe Goat

Kobe Bryant’s Diary: Setting The Foundations

After 16 years in the league, Kobe Bryant has decided to keep a diary to document “the year he caught Jordan”.  While Kobe refuses to remove the diary from a pedestal in his trophy room, he has allowed Writing Bareback the exclusive rights to post these excerpts.

October 30th – vs Dallas Mavericks

So much chatter on ESPN about whether or not I’d be playing in last night’s game.  Talk about a non-stroy.  I mean, it’s game one of my 16th season.  Like I told my reflection in the mirror this morning, I’ve been waking up as the best basketball player on the planet since I was 16 years old.  It’s not like missing one game is going to make me wake up on October 31st as some kind of non-best player like Darius Johnson-Odom.  Now that guy might be in trouble.  Not only does he have to constantly be compared to some imaginary Lakers’ mutant that takes all the best parts of Magic and none of the worst parts of Lamar, but the dude is only making $473,604 dollars this year! I mean, after taxes, he probably can’t even buy one Ferrari 458 Italia!  He got no run last night, and if he gets bounced from the league, he’ll be broke in two weeks.  I’d like to care more, but until he proves he can help my team win me my sixth ring, he’s just a practice dummy. A really cheap practice dummy.

We played the Mavericks last night, and when I think about two years ago, I’ll admit I’m truly embarrassed that my teammates let that Mavs team knock out of the playoffs that season.  Excuse me, my former teammates.  Despite what guys say, we’re not family, so when you’re gone, you’re gone. Finally got rid of the big men with weak minds (Lamar) and weak knees (Drew) and some other guys whose names I can’t remember.  Well, except Fish.  That guy stood by me for years while I won my first five rings, and it was tough to see him drop from the starting Lakers PG to a role player in OKC (a role player!).  But watching your peers age is just something you go through when you’re the greatest of all time. Like Bill and Michael and the previous GOATs, I’ll simply never drop off.  I think about all the guys that came in with me like AI, “Starbury” (LOL!) and “Employee #8” (LMFAO!!!).  Where are they now? I think about the guys that have hung around, and they’re barely hanging around.  Camby and Ray will be lucky to take 10 shots a game (combined!).  Steve is a pretty good ball player, but not only did he have to come here to LA to play with me for a shot at a ring, but he only had seven points and four assists last night.  Bet those MVP voters from 04-06 wish they could change their votes now!  I actually think I’m still getting better.  I can still come out in a game against the Magic and put up 45 shots. No one will say a word. Because what’s best for me is best for my team.

As for the game, of course I played. I shot 79% in a loss, which only tells me I’m deferring to my new teammates too much.  I’d be angry, but this is a good lesson for Dwight and Steve.  They need to fail early so they remember that I’m a champion and they are not.  They’re the ones that need to step their game up and I do not (even though I can’t help myself).  I think I’ll give them two more games to pick it up.  After that, I’m going to have to start shooting more.  After all, I’ve got the all-time scoring title to think about, and who knows what schemes Kareem’s cooking up to stop me. Sniper? Car wreck? Doesn’t matter. I can’t be stopped.

Alright, I’ve got about 6 hours of Googling myself to squeeze in before we take on the Blazers tonight.