Tag Archives: Man Up

Man Up: Stay Away from Tanning Beds


I was in the gym this afternoon (I work out) and heard 3 guys arguing over who gets the stand-up tanning bed. One proceeded to say “Yeah, I’m not gonna wear the tanning goggles” like he was some sort of rebellious bad ass. As a man who has never, and will never set foot in a tanning bed, I feel justified in venting about this.

I blame this all on Jersey Shore. Who ever decided to GTL (gym tan laundry for those new to the program) before that show ever came into existence?

Tanning beds didn’t even exist when your grandfather was our age. But he rocked the hell outta a farmer’s tan like he was a star character in “King of the Hill.” Yet he was still able to woo your grandma and now you have 7 uncles and 5 aunts and your grandpa is still a boss (RIP Pop Pop).

Your dad would rather be set on fire than ever set foot in a tanning bed. But he got your mom and they did it at least twice (or more depending on how many brothers/sisters you have). You know how your pops got a tan? He went outside during the day! Scary thought for those guys at the gym who only come out of their house for 2 reasons. Go to the gym. Go to the club with their Affliction t-shirt drinking vodka-Red Bulls because “We’re raging bro!”

I’m not arguing that being tan is a bad thing. In fact, in general people look sexier when they’re tan. As my buddy Stout famously said “If you can’t tone it, tan it. Even fat looks better tan.” So I thought it would be helpful to list for you some ways that our fathers got tan and still maintained their manhood. Feel free to try any of the options below:

  • Wash your car (not enough?)
  • Wash your 70 year old neighbors car
  • Hang out with friends at the pool/beach
  • Throw the frisbee (football, baseball, etc) at a park
  • Go for a jog (soft “j”)
  • Do some yardwork
  • Walk your dog (easy way to meet a girl, I promise)
  • Walk your neighbors dog

I could go on for days (that’s what she said) but I won’t because you get the point. Besides, do I really need to go into all of the health reasons for not going into a tanning bed? So lather up in some SPF 15 (or 30 or 50 depending on how opaque your skin is) and do something outside.

26.75 years tanning bed free,


Man Up: Buy a suit that fits you

My esteemed colleague, Dustin Riedesel asked 2 things of me last week:

  1. Come up with a running topic that I can write on consistently
  2. Use proper grammar and punctuation, damn it!

This is my attempt to kill two whales with one harpoon (I go big – plus, who still throws rocks at birds?) My goal here is to write on stuff that, as a man, you should just do. Some of these things will be stuff my dad has taught me, other is stuff I’ve learned along the way, and some stuff I’ll just make up hoping to see someone do it one day.

Today we’re talking about getting a suit that fits you. Spoiler Alert: You can’t just buy it off the rack and think its gonna fit – you’ll need to visit a tailor. The suit doesn’t have to be the most expensive suit on the planet. In fact, if you pay more than a few hundred Benjiman’s for it, and you don’t make over 200K/year, then you probably spent too much. When you’re trying it on try to think more more Mad Men and less Michael Douglas in Wall Street. Even though he kicked ass in that movie. Here are the specs of the suit

  • Two-Buttons (why the hell do they even make 3 button suits any more?)
  • Narrow Lapels (this is the part leading up to the collar)
  • Stops at your wrists (or higher)
  • NO PLEATS IN YOUR PANTS. Unless you’re 85 lbs over-weight or 70 years old (+ or – 5 years).
  • Don’t let the pants go much further beyond the top of your shoe

So now you’re asking, “Why do I need a suit? I don’t dress up for work.” To that I say fooey. If you have a nice fitting suit of some quality, you can successfully pull off the same suit at multiple occasions through the year. Let me just list the places where a suit is appropriate.

  • Wedding
  • Vegas
  • Church (even if you just go on Easter and Christmas)
  • Dinner with your woman
  • Business meeting
  • When you feel like lookin fly as hell!

If you have a suit that fits you well, you’ll not only look like a well put-together man, but you’ll probably get a few compliments from the ladies – which is ultimately why you do anything anyway. Plus nothing says “I’m the Alpha Male and I’m here to kick some metaphorical ass” like a man who looks like he means business.

Be A Man,


Next up: Man Up – Wear a Pocket Square