After 16 years in the league, Kobe Bryant has decided to keep a diary to document “the year he caught Jordan”. While Kobe refuses to remove the diary from a pedestal in his trophy room, he has allowed Writing Bareback the exclusive rights to post these excerpts.
November 8th – No Game
I just read yesterday’s entry in my diary, and I feel a little bad. Of course I was heated about losing, and having a “teammate” assume that I cared about it to an average degree was salt in the wound. To be more accurate, it was a 300-pound salt lick dropped onto my razor-knicked chin from a height of however high a 6-10 deuschbag can lift it above his head. It’s pretty easy to see that Dwight is simultaneously becoming my greatest asset and my greatest enemy at the same time. I’ll have to keep him close.
That said, I wasn’t wrong yesterday. Whenever you’re truly devoted to being the best, you have to be devoted to winning. And whenever you’ll do whatever it takes to win, people are going to call you selfish. They’re going to say you’re not a “team-player.” You can’t worry about that. Last I checked, it doesn’t matter if I score 50 points and the other five guys score ten apiece or if I just score all 100 myself. If we have more points at the end of the game, my TEAM wins. That’s what being a team player is all about, not letting coat-tail riders hold you back. I think it’s time for me to put the team on my back like Greg Jennings (no matter how frustrated I am with my “teammates,” that short film always helps me find strength). I’m not going to worry about what the “advanced metrics” like usage rate and true shooting percentage say. John Hollinger should have come up with a formula for PWKMAER (Player Who Kicks the Most Ass Efficiency Rating). I would have led the league in that stat for the last 14 seasons. It’s hard to argue with MJ leading the league during my 1st and 2nd seasons. I was too distracted by winning dunk contests and dating Moesha to be serious about claiming the PWKMAER crown at that time. Well, both the dunk contest and Moesha are behind me now. IT’S KOBE TIME!
Wow. I just got a hand-written letter from Phil ten minutes ago. A text would have been quicker, but Phil says that only longhand can carry the soul’s intentions. The letter says:
Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.
Phil’s included a post card that’s pre-addressed to the Budhist temple in the Phi Phi Islands where he’s vacationing. I simply write “Emerson” on the back of the post card and put it in the mail. He’ll know I understood. It’s a long season. Don’t get crazy.