It’s been about a month since I last posted anything. Where have I been? Well besides living and experiencing things to then write about, I’m on what Dusty called a “love break.” Yes, its true and I’m not ashamed to admit it. That being said, love will make you do some crazy things. Things that the “normal, not-in-love” version of you would scoff at.
2 weekends ago, love led me to beautiful Charlotte, NC for the Tough Mudder. I’m just now recovered enough to share my experience of this event with you.
For those of you who don’t know, the Tough Mudder is the Mudder (pun? alliteration?) of all mud races. Yeah, I’m looking at you Zombie Run, Rugged Maniac, Spartan Race, Muddy Buddy, et al. You’re all Mickey Mouse, child’s play compared this 12 mile, 18 obstacle bastard. It’s safe to say I used more than a few 4-letter words (sorry Mom).
Let me just take you on a little journey through the 3.5 hour light jog on a Saturday afternoon. After roughly 2 miles and crawling through a foot of mud under barbed wire, you’re asked to do the Arctic Enema. What’s that? Oh you know, just an industrial size dumpster, fill with muddy water and ICE. Yeah. And once you jump in this thing, you then have to go head under water for a few seconds to get passed a conveniently placed board in the middle. It’s safe to say, I was a full-blown woman for about 30 seconds after that plunge and only brought myself back to man-hood by peeing during the next run.
2 miles down. 12 to go. The next few obstacles sucked equally as bad and were a complete mind-F. Hey, let’s have people hoist us up a 15 foot wall, so we can climb over and jump down the other side! Yay! Or the obstacle “Just the Tip.” Not the same game played by every fraternity guy on a Friday night social. You scale, side-ways across a 2×6 piece of lumber, nailed to a wall and hanging you 10 feet above water.
And then, the Electric Eel. This satanic obstacle involved army crawling through a foot of water for 20 feet, under electrical wires hanging at your face. If you just put your hand in the water if felt like the static shock you get from rubbing your socks on the floor and turning on a light switch. Only this time, doing that under water. Despite this, I dove in, swam across and felt my body uncontrollably jolt for the entire 20 feet.
Later on, on this lovely Saturday afternoon stroll, we climbed what I later learned was a 25 foot high dive platform and jumped into cold, muddy water with no idea of just how deep that pit was actually dug. Sadly, my American Flag bandana was lost on this plunge and is now resting peacefully in a now covered ditch on a farm in Charlotte.
Along with people in our running group have massive cramps in both calves, legs, stomachs, chest and my knee feeling like someone hit it repeatedly with a Louisville Slugger, we escaped without experience TOO much pain. That is, until we got to ElectroShock Therapy. Enjoy the video below watching people’s bodies get shocked rendering them immobile. It’s hilarious to watch, but I would have never done this had I watched the video. My favorite part is hearing the people video taping try to give advice.
You run through mud and misting water with 10-30 volt wires hanging like devilish, electric spider webs. And, oh by the way, there were a few 100volt wires dangling in there as well. If you’re lucky enough to find those…you’ll know. As I climb on top of a hay bail, I felt a pain in my shoulder like I’ve never felt and my body was out of my own control for about 5 seconds. On top of that, my girlfriends arm was barely touching mine, and the volts passed through my body, and shocked her! What a way to end a Saturday!
But at the end they give you a beer and an Orange head band! So worth it!
I can safely say the 2 things I’d never like to go through again are:
6th-8th grade (wow they were awkward, right?)
Glad to be back,
Tommy “Yes it was that bad” Cooksey