Kobe Bryant’s Diary: Going Off the Grid

After 16 years in the league, Kobe Bryant has decided to keep a diary to document “the year he caught Jordan”.  While Kobe refuses to remove the diary from a pedestal in his trophy room, he has allowed Writing Bareback the exclusive rights to post these excerpts.

December 5th – vs New Orleans

Yes, I did become the fifth player ever to score 30,000 points. I’d love to enjoy a moment like this more, but my “teammates” have my team at a sub-.500 record right now. It’s intolerable. Yeah, we picked up a W tonight, but we were playing the Hornets. I mean, can we talk about how awful of a player Austin Rivers is? Of course we can because this is my private journal and I write whatever I want. I’m just saying don’t be surprised if the Hornets organization is vehemently defending just how non-best Austin Rivers is by the time I publish this journal.

The reason I say that is because I’ve made a decision. We’re 9-10 right now. This journal should be documenting my greatness as I vindicate my status as the best that’s ever laced up the sneakers. I’m not going to document being stuck with POS “teammates” that can’t get the job done. That’s a waste of my time.  I’ll start writing again when we get above a .500 record. Should only take a few games.

December 25th – vs New York

Wow. Tough month. I told myself I’d wait until we were above .500, but I couldn’t help but post this sweet pic of me and Stevie (great to have that guy back, right?). We’re 14-14, that’s damn close.

When you’re the best there is at your craft, you always assume you look great in a triple threat position, and while I do, that’s not actually what I’m highlighting here (but c’mon, I can definitely shoot out of this position, and the fact that I can also pass or dribble are decoys more valuable than any “teammate” this side of Robert Horry).  Let’s talk about those jerseys!

Being a part of a world class organization is special in any walk of life, but the Lakers just know how to do it right. I mean, the Knicks drew their Christmas day uniform inspiration from a row of traffic cones, but the Lakers? We went all white, a look I’ve famously crushed, and then we went out put NY in it’s place, a cramped, dirty city that’s simply not as cool as LA. So much optimism in those all-whites. I personally witnessed Ron and Jordan Hill practicing synchronized turn and snap poses into mirrors before the game. Then Ron went out there and played great, and Jordan Hill played which is big for him too. Dwight orchestrated the Globo Gym chant for my intro–a scheme so ridiculous that only a player with my gravitas was able to save face for Dwight by pulling it off–but Dwight played great too.

This is LA, and image is everything. When I look at that image of me and Stevie in the all-whites, I see a winner.

-Mamba out

December 26th vs Denver

Loss. Son of a….

-Mamba out